My friend and I were talking about the busy, busy, busy self important beavers in this world. You’ve met them. These are the women you interact with usually as a volunteer who have to tell you why they can’t do their part, want credit… but….WAIT FOR IT…they are “Soooooo busy!”
Sooo busy. They want you to know they are more valued in their role in the workforce than you are. They have VERY.IMPORTANT.JOBS. Their husbands are CAPTAINS.OF.INDUSTRY.
Have you met me? Personally I do not care. I judge people on how I find them not by what they earn and who they may or may not know, and I have discovered in my almost 60 years on this planet, I probably actually may know some of the people they claim to know, but I just keep my own counsel on that one. By all means, please, tell me how well you know someone who is a guest in my home sometimes. Do I sound like I am being snobby? I am not. It is, simply put, a dangerous game when you brag about whom you may or may not know.
Back to volunteering.
So you decide you wish to volunteer wherever because of whatever reason. The non-profit appeals to you, maybe. It’s a church or school you know or had kids at or family worship there. It’s an arts based non-profit that means something for some reason. It’s a little local non-profit that you know does good things. Whatever the case may be, you wish to volunteer. You sign up. You do your part. Then you are asked to take the lead in something. Co-chair or chair of something. Then the fun begins.
There you are eventually chairing something. You allocate time from the rest of your life. A committee forms. Then you ask people to pitch in. “But, I’m sooooo busy!”
Sigh there it is. They want their name on the committee list but work? Oh honey that is for other people.
I will fully admit I have slowed down over the last decade. I work for myself and have since breast cancer. I wasn’t sure all of those years ago I was ready to leave corporate America. But I drove my doctors crazy working through the surgery and treatment because I had no choice, I need to pay for my breast cancer surgery and treatment, right? So after treatment was concluded, one visit my care team sat me down. The cliff notes version was I either had to find another way to earn a living or I was at fairly high risk of recurrence because of stress. So I took like 10 steps back and started working for myself.
That was 12 years ago. It’s been an adjustment. I still do not really know how to relax but I try. I spent my whole life working and working hard. And I never used that as an excuse when volunteering somewhere. I made the time because I made the commitment. So it literally irritates the snot out of me to hear someone say they would but they are ‘Sooooo busy!” Gosh honey, I am knitting socks myself.
I never was the person who made fun of stay at home moms. Most have zero clue what goes into that average day. And then I learned more post breast cancer when I was home. Working from home and keeping house. That is honestly, busy. Not every day all day long but there are a lot of moving parts. I was really glad to say good bye to the car rider line for example. That was hell on earth.
But when you work from home and/or a stay at home mom you would be surprised at the people who do not value your time. The phone calls, text message, messages, emails. Why aren’t you instantly available? And if you try to reach some of these people for something, like a volunteer project, they are “just sooo busy!“
You know what else I have discovered? People make time for what is important to them and if they aren’t pulling their weight, find someone else.
You know what is related to above statement? Don’t let those people make you feel guilty with their “Just sooo busy” of it all. Guilt is wasted. And there will always be people who are “Just sooo busy” until they need something from you.
It’s like when people tell me they are “Just sooo busy” and they don’t have time, yet YOU are supposed to have time to listen to them whenever they deign to grace you with their presence. Real friends know life ebbs and flows, and if you are too busy one time for real, and they are too busy another time for real, we still find the time for the relationship.
I like to try to help people at times when I can. Not for any particular accolades or atta girls, but just because it’s the right thing to do. But there are some people you will pay it forward for who will never reciprocate towards you or anyone else. You still did whatever for them because it was the right thing to do, but then you learn to distance yourself. There are always going to be people with a hand out, you can decide whether or not you give them a hand up.
These people are related to the ones who tell you they are doing good things. That’s great, but they aren’t doing for the greater good necessarily, are they? I am still about the quiet doers, or the people who actually do the heavy lifting.
This goes hand in hand with a conversation I had with another friend who finds it frustrating how some friends always expect her to drop everything for them, yet those people never even ask them how it is going in her world. Or if you tell someone how you are doing, instead of listening and just being a friend there is criticism of what you should be doing and how they would never. Alrighty, maybe take a look at what you have done to your life before you dish THAT out to someone?
Women are and always will be strange creatures, even to the members of their own species. I know I am. I am actually OK with that for the most part. It’s a hard acceptance when you finally realize and accept that not everyone is going to get you and that is quite all right. And I have had my share of feeling dumped on, used, and criticized and put down…sometimes almost simultaneously by those who want something from you. And that is just personally. As a blogger, it’s worse.
As a blogger, some days it feels like everyone wants something. I have written before about the lack of boundaries in contact to me. And it’s never fun when I can’t do whatever mystical thing I should be able to do. Especially when someone writes to me and says “You should cover this!” and I ask “Why?” This of course is especially amusing when you know it is someone who doesn’t care for me, yet I am supposed to drop everything and say “Oh my gosh yes.”
I do say no. I had to learn that as a blogger and a regular person.
Help where you can, walk away without guilt when you cannot. And when someone tells you they are “Just sooooo busy!” might I suggest a reply of “Well I have just been knitting socks all day myself.” It will give you a giggle and that person won’t understand, and that’s fine.
Carry on and thanks for stopping by.