Émile Charlet (Belgian, 1851-1910) Gossip Girls. Sold at Skinner Auction May 2017

I wrote about gossip in 2013. As I said then, there is within human nature the desire to gossip or chatter about others. Anyone who says they haven’t done it isn’t being honest with themselves.

I have met men who were terrible gossips, but truthfully it is an especially female weapon.   It is used in my opinion most often to wound and hurt instead of the person really addressing what is wrong.

Why are women so cruel to each other?  Some say it is a basic evolutionary drive of women that men don’t have.  Some say it is low self-esteem. I think it is also that some people are just have nothing better to do.

What is it about human nature that makes some people relish the distress of others?  And why would you do that to someone who has only shown you kindness in some cases?

Why is it in the human dynamic to be cruel to one and other?

Today I learned of a recent conversation involving me.  It is the second one recently.  I marvel at how people who have never met me or have maybe met me once or twice love to talk about me. I am not that fascinating and what boring, tiny lives they must lead.  They want to know what makes me tick.  Part of the answer? Not them.

My radar has always gone up when I meet people who are way too personal too fast, too helpful, are always telling everyone how helpful they are.  These are the people that collect names of those they feel are socially helpful like kids collecting baseball cards….or savages and scalps (take your pick.)   These are the people who take a million selfies and the selfies fall into three categories (a) a core group of those who exhibit slavish devotion (b) themselves wherever and (c) with people they really don’t know, but it’s good to be in a photo with them.  These are the people who are, in the end, out for themselves.

I choose not to be around people like that.  They are toxic and basically, they just use people until they have no more use.  I want people who are shall we say of higher moral quality than that.

I have friends from every stage of my life.  They come from grade school through to the present.  My type of friend is loyal. Not phony.  Not a friend recycler (the people who literally recycle their friends every few years.)  I don’t want the friends who constantly play the “do you know” game, because I don’t really care.  I know lots of people and so what?

I avoid social climbers.  For example, they will never, ever in a month of Sundays get why you volunteer, truly.  (HINT: it’s not so someone will take your “society” photo)

A few years before I left the Main Line I saw a new breed on the scene.  I watched them as I like to observe.   Pushy and obvious, labels don’t make the person even if you sport the labels.  This new breed wasn’t even necessarily of the giant bank account.  They just wanted to belong so very desperately, completely not getting that people smell that desperation and stroll past it.

I have been off the Main Line for many moons at this point and some of these types are still fascinated by me, or news of me and why? I’m just a person – and these are never people that are discussing me because I’m interesting, it’s because they are trying to stir malice with gossip.   They don’t know me, but more importantly, I choose not to know them.  They exist for people to know them or of them.

I also am the subject of bizarre gossip because I am a blogger. And in this case people who have literally never met me as in ever.  They read what I write and decide based upon that who I must be.  Again, people I choose not to know.

These acts of random gossip mean I will probably never want to have a conversation with you.  I make my choices, and am for the most part not a follower.  I never have been — truly it is nothing new.  I was never a girl in a clique even in high school.  The fact I joined a sorority in college was somewhat unusual.  But I joined my sorority because the girls in it were fiercely independent and did not wear their starter pearls with t-shirts. (And they are still cool.)

I judge people on their merit.  If someone causes me to feel even minor aversion, it is usually with good reason.

We all were not put on earth to hang out with each other.  It would be exhausting.

People gossip to feel superior.  People gossip out of boredom. People gossip out of envy and an effort to belong.

Put your intellectual curiosity to better use…or better yet, address the subject of your cross examinations personally.