baby crazy?

old-fashioned-baby-strollerThere is an article circulating around about a couple in Tredyffrin who have asked the Chester County Court System for protection from the birth/biological mother who lives out of state.  The article reads like a Lifetime TV or true crime movie.

Adoptive parents seek protection from biological mother
By MICHAEL P. RELLAHAN, mrellahan@dailylocal.com
POSTED: 06/28/14, 5:36 PM EDT | UPDATED: 59 SECS AGO

WEST CHESTER — In an unusual court filing, a Tredyffrin couple has asked the court here to prohibit a Maryland woman and her husband from stalking them via the Internet and in person.

The Maryland woman, Michelle Stilipec, is the biological mother of the Tredyffrin couple’s son, but has waged an increasingly vituperative battle to gain custody of the young boy, claiming that she was the victim of an illegal and fraudulent adoption process — one of a number of dissatisfied mothers who have joined a loose “anti-adoption” campaign in the United States.

The Tredyffrin couple earlier this month filed a protection from abuse petition in Common Pleas Court, citing Stilipec’s alleged “ongoing threats, stalking (and) harassment,” behavior they say has become increasingly hostile.

On June 3, the petition alleges, Stilipec appeared at the mother’s workplace and at the couple’s home — addresses that she was not legally entitled to have information about, according to the couple’s West Chester attorney.

In the petition, filed on June 16, the mother alleged that Stilipec had posted flyers in her neighborhood accusing the couple of kidnapping her son, who she identifies as Jonathan Eagle Stilipec, and of committing adoption fraud….Michelle Stilipec also appears in a YouTube video that lasts for 20 minutes in which she describes her case. In it, she can be seen holding up a flyer with a photo of the Tredyffrin couple, who she labels “kidnappers” and accuses of adoption fraud. In it, she is dressed in a red, white, and blue blouse with stars…..“They encouraged my husband, son and myself to leave our home for fear that (Michelle Stilipec) was planning to abduct (the child),” the mother wrote in her PFA petition. “We had to leave our home, (and) take a leave of absence from work for an extended period of time.

This is something of interest to me because I was never able to have my own children.  So if life circumstances been different, maybe I would have been one of those parents who adopted, instead of becoming a step-parent.  I also know someone who has devoted their life’s work to a non-profit that assists parents trying to adopt with grants and whatnot.

I know many who have adopted, I grew up with kids who were adopted. In both instances, the kids always knew and I never knew any who had sought birth parents out when they were old enough, nor that birth parents sought these kids out. But I know both instances happen because face it, it is totally human nature to want to know where you came from.

The adoption process is arduous and expensive. That I know from friends.  As a matter of fact I have one friend who opted out of the process years ago because it was just too hard on the couple. I have heard stories of single moms who were encouraged to give up their babies by their hospitals when they were born.

Baby stories are always heart wrenching. This one working its way through the Chester County Court system is just terrible to hear about.

This couple, I don’t know them and they aren’t named so I will call them John and Mary Doe, adopted a baby through a legitimate agency.  And now the birth parents have decided they want their baby back and that their rights were violated. They have joined the ranks of what is described as an “anti-adoption movement.’

If the birth parents, who are apparently from Maryland, were just fighting this through the court system it wouldn’t necessarily be news. But because newspapers like the Daily Local are reporting things like the fact the birth parents started a Facebook page against the adoptive parents put up a kooky video on CNN and papered the neighborhood of the adoptive parents in Chester County with flyers on utility poles, this case is front and center.

None of us were there, so we don’t know what happened, but I still feel for the adoptive parents. They went through the adoption process legally by their account to the media and I guess in court documents.  It looks like from the birth parents Facebook page and blog the agency was Adoptions From The Heart?

These birth parents by their own accounts on their Facebook page do not appear to be dumb or illl-informerd. In their own words they say:

-Michelle is a Veteran of the US Navy where she held a Top Secret Security Clearance. She has a B.A. in English and a background in holistic health. James is senior enlisted in the US Navy as a Mass Communications Specialist. We have no criminal record between us.

 

The birth parents imply that the media has gotten it all wrong and that the Tredyffrin Detective hasn’t been nice, basically.  O.k. if people in the community you serve, your residents, appear as if they are being harassed, stalked, and basically cyber-bullied, how are you supposed to be? Matter of fact get to the bottom of it, right?

And where I keep getting stuck is it doesn’t seem like these adoptive parents just brought this baby home. It seems like they have been parenting him and providing a home for quite a while.  And now they have by newspaper accounts had to flee their home and go into hiding?  Who does this to people?

By their blog, these birth parent claim post-partum depression of two years ago when the adoption must have taken place so has this been going on that long? The blog doesn’t have many posts but the most coherent is the “our story” post from 2013.  The rest of it reads of a person (or persons) suffering from deep emotional distress.

The blog is called Jonathan Eagle’s Law. Incidentally as per the Facebook page, the birth parents are not of Native American heritage.

The husband/birth father  in this equation is apparently still active duty military.  I just can’t get my head wrapped around how they went through a long process to adopt their baby out to another family legally and now this is happening.

At the end of the day, as this baby grows this horrible case threatens to become his life legacy and that doesn’t seem fair.  Poor child.

The birth parents on their Facebook page wrote something about family support a few hours ago:

It would be nice if we had family to support us in this time, unfortunately that is not the case. We both came from broken homes where our spirits were broken and where we were asked to remain children rather than encouraged and blessed to become adults and live our own lives. People grow older and they mature, hurts from the past heal, but we can not force other people to grow up with us. It has only been our deepest desires to reconnect with our family but there must be openness and honestness on all sides.
We were told within the first year of our marriage that our choices were not ours, our house was not ours, and our womb was not ours. Those things belonged to them to control and Michelle was the other woman in her own marriage because she chose to become college educated and capable of earning a living before becoming a mother….correction, before allowing them to be grandparents. Michelle never had a mother, and she had watched single mothers struggle for a living.
Years ago we made the mistake of defending ourselves, as so many people do. We learned in time that the best thing to do is walk away and try to heal ourselves. We can not change others. We can not force our love others who tell us that they do not want our love; we can not heal someone of pain they will not talk about; we can not ask someone to love or respect us if they do not love or respect themselves.

 

I can’t tell who is doing most of the writing on this page, but an educated guess would be the birth mother. She seems to be in such emotional pain that I have to ask if she did have her child, would she be able to care for him?

There are no winners in this case. It will undoubtedly play out on a much more public stage than not, and I feel for the adoptive parents at the end of the day.  They went through a process to adopt a child, and now this. I now understand why so many families choose closed versus open adoptions.

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “baby crazy?

  1. I became a birthmother at the tender age of 15, and I can only say that the first five years of my daughters life were absolutely horrible. Not a day going by, not a minute that I didn’t think about her. Thabkfully, my adoption was open so there was never a day where I had a question of what she loved, was she happy. I understand that there was an agency involved in this adoption, however I question was this an open adoption, close adoption, what type of agreement was there in place? Hopefully this isn’t one of those stories that the daily local leaves us hanging.

  2. Wow, you seem to put a lot of faith in legality. You do realize that many “laws” have allowed babies/children to be removed for adoption, with no evidence of abuse or neglect, and without parental permission or consent, right? Would you call the adoption of Veronica Brown legal? Because, it was concluded to be “legal” although it broke several laws – SC laws, ICWA laws, even SCOTUS and SCOTUS legal correspondents couldn’t accurately read the laws. It also included falsified paperwork and deception, abuse of the father’s patriotism and dedication to this country, misrepresentation by the media. It ultimately ended with the new adoptive parents suing a 4 yr old girl for $1Million.

    Other situations have violated interstate anti-kidnapping laws, allowing babies to be adopted out or re-homed to pedophiles or strangers over the internet.

    And it might be more constructive to alter some laws to allow a new mother to recover from childbirth and make an educated, informed, well-thought out decision before adopting her baby out. Some states force a new mother to make a final decision within 3 days, some 7 days, some won’t let her change her mind at all. Adoption is a big decision with lifelong consequences for everyone. Children are born to be with their mothers. That should be the priority. If a mother feels uncertain about parenting, perhaps she needs more support. A child should only be removed for adoption after other options have been thoroughly vetted, and despite offers of support, the mother wouldn’t be able to raise her child. If the mother is adamant about not raising her child, then the father should be considered, other family members, relatives, etc. Children should not be permanently cut off from their own family and origins if at all possible. It is borderline abusive to force a child to be amputated from own self and story when it’s not necessary. The current laws don’t protect children’s welfare. The US has no nationwide law to protect the human rights of children. The US is the only country to have never ratified the UN CRC, except war-torn Somalia and newly-created South Sudan. So, legal in the US doesn’t always mean right.

  3. It would not be in the best interest of this child, who is 3? years old at this point, to be taken from the adoptive family, no matter what the circumstances of the adoption were. That should be the biggest priority.

  4. Reply to Marcy – I was adopted as a newborn and at 3 (or nine or thirteen or 3 months) I would have happily gone back to the real mother I was stolen from. Just like you non-adopted people would go to your parents after being with a babysitter. Just like you non-adopted people would think it was ok for a child to go back to their mother if she had a long illness. Let the poor kid go back to his mother and be with his real family that he is genetically related to and no longer have to live a lie with delusional people. That IS the biggest priority.

  5. Clearly the birth mother is a lunatic and needs to be immediately incarcerated until she is deemed safe and will not kidnap the baby. End of problem!!

  6. I would like to say, thank you for the story. I am part of the HORRIBLE family whom they talk about. All of this is pretty much NONSENSE. James has been in the Navy for 19 years, so of course they were away from family. I am married to his father for 24 years now. We can count on our fingers and toes the number of times we got a call, a card, a visit from them. They chose to disown his mother and sister about 5 years ago. Saying mean and ugle things to them, merely because his mom would liked to have had a grandchild. We were never told of the terminated pregnancy, the first adoption, nor the second……………..until three months after this childs birth. After our NOT agreeing that they were parents to this child……..we were then cast off! I have several copies of things said and rantings from her that I saved over the last three year. The family has became the brunt of their excuse for giving up this child. MAYBE they should have tried birth control. We were told at least 5 years ago that they were not having children. I am tired of reading the lies and hurtful things they say! THEY CHOSE to give up this child, just like they CHOSE to give up the first child. I can only apologize to the adoptive parents for the pain this must be causing them. They are two self centered people who did not have time in their lives for children.

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