that crazy little thing called trust

Trust. It’s a big word it has a big meaning sometimes it is so casually used though, isn’t it?

Trust is something I have a hard time doing. I always have I like to be friendly but there’s a difference between being friendly and actually trusting someone so when I let someone in it’s kind of a big deal to me. And I know I’m not alone.

But in this somewhat disposable world in which we live, I’m noticing trust is becoming just an overused word much like change has.

When someone breaks your trust, it’s very hard. And it is very personal because you’ve let them into your world. I had that happen with some people when I first moved to Chester County. I actually thought they were people that would be friends. Sadly, it ended up to the contrary.

And then there were the people who were part of my inner circle that I trusted who really didn’t have anything to do with me once I moved to Chester County. It wasn’t that I had done anything in particular, I just was no longer convenient or should I say geographically convenient for them. One person had broken my trust before who had done this, so when they did it the second time because I wasn’t geographically convenient, I was kind of done. It wasn’t a simple question of forgiveness, it was a little more complicated. That was a very hard thing for me because they meant a lot to me. And I would never be mean to them, but the trust was just irrevocably broken. So I let go.

Most often when you hear about trust issues, it concerns romantic/domestic relationships. When someone cheats whether literally or emotionally or in some other fashion, it’s really hard. Years ago, I experienced that with a boyfriend. And once that trust was broken, I could never get back to the same place with them. Of course sometimes that’s the universe telling you that you deserve better relationships or just aren’t right for each other. That whole phrase about there is a lid for every pot. But you don’t learn that right away do you? I’m very lucky that I am married to the man I am married to because I do trust him implicitly, and trust and love him without reservations. He has a clear moral compass and sense of right and wrong. He has honor. I think he always has.

Domestic partnerships, no matter how they shake out, aren’t just about love. They are about pretty basic things that include things like trust.

With women in particular, I think trust is hard earned a lot of the time. I don’t know anyone that pretends to be perfect, and I certainly do not pretend to be perfect but when you feel like people you trust have let you down where do you go from there?

Recently, I have been experiencing trust issues again. With people I have let into my inner circle. I’m still processing and haven’t decided what the future holds so it’s hard to articulate.

When you know something is up with people you consider friends whom you trust and they don’t want to talk about whatever you can’t always make them talk about it. But when you ask them, or you try to talk to them about it, even how it makes you feel, and they kind of respond on the attack, that’s a hard vibe to swallow. Your rational mind knows that their reaction really has nothing to do with you and more to do with whatever they are experiencing, yet it often becomes a trust issue. Right or wrong sometimes that’s how the brain will translate.

So how do you keep turning the other cheek and forgiving? What becomes the breaking point? No one wants to abandon friendships, but maybe it’s as simple as sometimes we all need a break from one and other.

Because of social media sometimes this can be hard. Sometimes we don’t get a break from anything because of social media, so does that mean ultimately we all should give social media a break? or should we just have faith that the right thing will eventually happen?

Is trust ultimately a question of faith?

Where trust as a word is misused is like when a politician tells you to trust them. And if it’s a politician that you haven’t been able to trust in the past, you wonder why they use that word? And when it’s election season, they all want you to trust them but the truth is you can only trust yourself and do your candidate research.

The answer to misuse of the word trust of course, could be as simple as marketing spin. Trust a brand, trust a vitamin supplement, trust your local politician, and so on and so forth.

Maybe in order to trust in general and to trust the use of the word trust we have to go back to basics. Maybe like the word change it actually has to mean something.

With regard to my trust issues as a woman, sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a cynic about things. Sometimes I wish I didn’t see things or find out things that I know are true. Sometimes I wish that people you cared about didn’t lash out and hurt you when you’re trying to figure out what’s going on because you care.

Sometimes it is not so easy just to take things on faith. So there’s that commingling of trust and faith again. But sometimes we just have to I guess?

I don’t pretend to have the answers. I don’t pretend to be perfect but if I give someone my trust, it’s a pretty big and very personal gift. Maybe to them, it’s immaterial or doesn’t matter as much. But I think trust should matter and it should mean something.

Yes, this is a bit of a ramble. It’s just the way my mind works sometimes and these are the things I sometimes think about. People have said I think too much, sometimes I think people think too little.

Trust in faith. Faith in trust. Trust and faith. Life is not a giant word salad, and sometimes we all do and say things we shouldn’t. But sometimes it all just gives me pause.

Thanks for stopping by.

1 thought on “that crazy little thing called trust

  1. This is the residue so far of your life experience. And that’s it. I think trust begins with others accepting that about others such that no explanations are required. It simply is. Anything more than that, we begin to stray into Kierkegaard territory!! I suppose to, at some level, trust has to be learned, as a thing. Perhaps that goes toward your point about how the word has shape-shifted.

    Remember… writers write. That’s what we do.

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