Peace, life and maturity. They are not buzzwords, although some treat those words that way.

So there’s this thing I have seen posted on Facebook. When a friend of mine posted it, it was heartfelt and beautiful. Probably because I know this person and their heart.

But as is the case with many things that “sound good” completely depends on who is saying or sharing it. It adds context. Subsequently when I saw a version of what a friend shared and edited to suit someone else’s narrative, it really struck a chord, and it wasn’t a positive chord.

There are things that people put out into the world that they would like everyone to see, but what is happening behind the scenes in reality is often quite different.

I am often criticized for what I put on social media. And the reason for that is simple, I tend to tell you how I am feeling and why. I don’t sugarcoat it and I don’t do some fake life on Facebook and reality is completely different. I also have never felt the need to be connected to everyone or be an “influencer” or “public figure.”

I definitely prefer relationships and friendships that aren’t fragile and easily broken. Or volatile. I take my relationships and friendships seriously. I put time and effort into them, but there are people that you meet in this world who will suck the life out of you. And I’m not being mean, it just is what it is.

I like relationships were trust goes both ways. But there are people who break trust, and maybe it’s a weakness or a character flaw on my part but when trust is broken I’m pretty much done.

This thing that is circulating has this whole other component to it about when you’re with people you don’t want “bad” and what does that even mean? Humans are flawed, right? Life is never perfect although not necessarily bad, right?

And I agree wholeheartedly that no one wants bitterness or anger or awkwardness when they meet. But then you have to ask the question if you feel that way, why? And if you feel that as a reaction to someone, is it something you did or someone else did? Because in that tangled mess of human emotion, there are things like personal accountability. And there is also the truism that people will outgrow each other. That’s sadly life.

And some others I also saw posting a version of this really don’t have personal accountability. Ever. And I say that as someone who fully admits they are not perfect as a human being, and saying you’re wrong can be hard, but you have to own it sometimes. No one likes admitting that they screwed up. Accountability is work, and the world we live in today means a lot of people don’t want to deal with personal accountability at all.

And that whole speaking or not speaking part of this? That is one of those life things that has been going on since we were all in elementary school. And it does get exhausting. Another component of that is the whole thing of someone acting like things are fine when you are face to face, but spreading the tea behind your back to curry social capital? For me, those are the people I just quietly walk away from. And if I’m brutally honest, sometimes it’s not so quiet and I am OK with that because those are my feelings. 

When sometimes you may not be so quiet about doing the leaving, it can be quite emotional. When you invest time and emotional energy into a relationship or friendship, and you feel betrayed, it’s just hard. So sometimes the words don’t fall out of anyone’s mouth with grace. And then there are those who no longer deserve grace.

Yes, there are plenty of people that I’m also sure should or could learn to say they are sorry for their behavior. But there are some people who just don’t see their behavior for whatever reason.

And then there are the people who will apologize for something, but it’s not really because they know they did something wrong, it’s something they know they should do.

Sadly, with some as you get older, their apologies are hollow and don’t really mean much. And again, it’s because their apologies aren’t particularly heartfelt. They just know it’s something they should do societally and socially.

And that’s not a mere question of maturity. It’s just the way some people are built emotionally.

It goes back to that whole thing that I’ve mentioned before that people talk about concerning relationships in all of our lives. There are people who are in your life for a reason, a season, and lifetime. We all can admit that it’s not a happy place to be when you realize that you have to let some people go.

Being able to let go of people who have ended up feeling toxic in your world does bring you peace. But getting there is not an easy decision, and at least for me it’s never been made lightly. And there have been plenty of times where I have thought I made the wrong decision, and then I go back and let the person back into my life again, and the pattern just repeats itself.

So, for me with age, comes the knowledge that I need to listen to myself. And there is also the time that you allow yourself to mourn these relationships and/or friendships that didn’t make it.

Peace for me in particular means having people in my world who aren’t fake. Sure they can hold others accountable but they also have a full sense and grasp of self-accountability. I respect that.

Peace for me means friendships that are real, not conditional, not merely when convenient.

These thoughts have come with maturity, not necessarily meaning I am the most mature person on the block all of the time, it’s more of an age and possibly life experience definition of maturity.

At the end of the day, I think we want our relationships and friendships to be on an equal footing. And that is to further say that there is a balance between give-and-take.

I am finding as I get older, that the people who seem to take more than they can ever give, are the people I keep at arm’s length. And many cases it’s not because they’re bad people, it’s just because who wants to be in a relationship or friendship where you feel constantly used?

There will always be people in your life who are more fair weather than not. And if you enjoy their company, then you learn to balance the good with the bad and keep it superficial unless you simply decide to move on. And that is something that can be hard to figure out, because there are people whom you may make time for, and when you go to them because you need somebody to make time for you, they’re not there. And it’s not that they are inherently selfish, they just don’t have the bandwidth to give.

But at the end of the day, if you want people in your life who are real, then you have to be real in return. You also have to be accepting that they’re not always going to agree with you, and you’re not always going to agree with them.

If we want change we need to start with ourselves, right?