never wear a partridge in a pear tree on your head and other millinery mistakes

BirdHat_3

Actress Christie MacDonald flaunting a flock of family of artificial birds on her hat,                         circa 1902. Photo from Popsci.com

So it’s December, and people are talking about Christmas. And decorating and throwing Christmas parties and singing Christmas carols.  You know like The Twelve Days of Christmas.

Image result for partridge in a pear tree lyrics

And while a partridge in a pear tree is a lovely song lyric, would you go around wearing one on your head? I wouldn’t. And  if I saw someone doing it I would probably blog about it.  And file under millinery mistakes.

Yes…I am about to be my own ghost of Christmas past…..the scene is about to be set…..

Now way back in the fashion mistakes of 2012 were the women who went to Ladies Hat Day at Devon who wore loads of more fall appropriate taxidermy (but why did the taxidermy have to come off of the wall again?)   They also tried to cover up tattoos with concealer make-up but it was so warm that spring day at Devon, that the make-up ran, but I digress.

In addition to the taxidermy that year was someone else  who describes herself as a milliner who wore…wait for it…an upside down plastic or lucite salad bowl and called it a hat. It was very Carmen Miranda of her.

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You all will remember a post on this blog mocking that creation and others over six years ago…in 2012.  It was right here, you know who wrote it, I did not hide my opinion.  That year it was such a carnival side-show at Devon’s Ladies’ Hat Day many others had a lot to say, including some other bloggers whom I never knew that I haven’t actually seen blog for years at this point. Blogs and bloggers come and go, and I am always amused people think I wrote every single one of them. LOL how would I sleep?

Apparently I am also solely responsible for all of the mocking which occurred that day. Over six years ago.  Dayummm, I must have super powers, right?

That was the Ladies Hat Day where I decided I was done with an event I used to very much enjoy….when it was mimosas, tea sandwiches, lovely summer dresses, and beautiful seasonally appropriate millinery. That day I (like make others) decided our social and charitable event money would be better spent elsewhere.

That 2012 Devon Horse Show is when we saw what that event was evolving into. No thanks. Cattle calls of ridiculousness. Bleck. I do not understand why people do not get that a lovely tradition at a horse show should have remained a lovely, civilized tradition.

Flash forward to this year.  Haven’t thought about that post or that “milliner” in forever. Why would I? She’s not in my social circles and I know a couple of actual milliners, one of whom who has trained in the U.K. and Europe.  And the milliners I know, know I don’t really wear a lot of hats.  Once in a while, but it’s not my jam. You see, when you talk with your hands, you tend to knock them off your own head and then they become flying weapons and additional drama…..

chicken12daysNow a funny story. When my husband and I were married, a milliner made me amazing white silk poinsettias to wear in my hair because I did not want a hat or a veil.  I designed what I wanted to wear in my hair and the milliner brought my design to life. The detail was fabulous. They were ethereal and beautiful – perfect for a holiday season wedding. Immediately after photos of the flowers in my hair surfaced, others who fashion themselves milliners and loving hands at home hat makers tried to copy them.  But they failed and looked quite cartoonish because they did not have the mad skills of the woman who made them for me.

But most of these modern “milliners” are so different from their predecessors. Or their European counterparts.  In most places in the United States, Europe and the U.K.  as has been the case as long as millinery has been part of ladies’ fashion, you know who the best are, but they don’t compete in hat contests wearing lucite salad bowls upside down on their heads, do they?

Anyway, why I am I talking again about buffet station pieces at “Glamour Don’ts”? Let me explain. Mrs. Lucite Salad Bowl 2012 felt the need to surface on photos a friend took at a private Christmas party. Friends and family celebrating the season.  It wasn’t an event for charity or public media coverage, it was a lovely and beautiful party where those in my world who are dear to me could get together and celebrate the joy of the Christmas season.

On one set of photos up pops Mrs. Lucite Salad Bowl 2012.  How I am a horrible person who (in her words since she desperately needs to be heard apparently)  “she never even met me, never knew me, never interviewed me and meanwhile made vicious assumptions and judgments.”

Oh and then she blamed ME personally for every other thing on the Internet back then (in 2012)  mocking that “hat”. From 2012 and you have had nothing else to talk about since? No joys or happiness? Truly, I am so sorry.

So Mrs. Lucite Salad Bowl 2012, allow me to be clear:

I have blog under my real first name and yes I did indeed mock your “hat” in 2012 because it was absurd – and I said so under my own name. I will say it again now and add I find most of your creations are absurd. Not fun, not edgy, not sophisticated, not beautiful—- absurd. And I am allowed that opinion. Ironically, I do not fashion myself the Fashion Police, just calling it how I feel about it.

A blog is someone’s opinion and MY opinion on that cheap piece of upside down lucite way back in the fashion mistakes of 2012 was shared by MANY that year.  I can’t tell you what they said, only what I said. And yes, I mocked it.  It wasn’t even clever.

Saying your “hat” in 2012 was absurd is not making “vicious assumptions and judgements” it was stating my OPINION. Is your ego so grand that you think I was supposed to interview you about that at the time? Or swap you a creation for a fake positive write-up like a compensated blogger which I am not? Are you high society somewhere and I missed the memo? Are we supposed to kiss the hem of your proverbial garmets?

You do not have to like me or my opinions, but the way you chose to vent a very old spleen from 2012 was well, tacky  (you do however get an 8 out of 10 for combining those particular degrees of difficulty.)  Do you see me or anyone else commenting on your family gatherings or family for that matter? Nope because you just don’t do that.

Mind you some of my friends had the following to say about people who are Christmas trolls:

Geez it is a salad bowl- fact- I had one like it years ago- pitched it because it was ugly even as a salad bowl.

And…

That hat, like any good salad, should be tossed. Reminds me of the Dead Kennedys album “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables”. Like opening the refrigerator drawer and finding a bag full of brown slime at the bottom after six years that insists it was fashionable but was really past its best before it was even put on display. A fashion disaster worthy of the Titanic – “Iceberg (lettuce) dead ahead.”

And my favorite:

Don’t get me going… When the hat made its debut not a shred of good taste romained. The fashion police should have caesar.

So do you feel better now? If you are going to have cat scratch fever, at least get your facts straight and try not to look so silly next time.  You see dear, I don’t care that you didn’t like my opinion in 2012, I found it in extremely poor taste that you would choose to deliver your opinion on Christmas party photos of a mutual friend.  You don’t have to like me, but do you really think so little of them?

Merry Christmas and Bless your heart.

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