for sale: suburban home complete with bondage room

sewxy twist

It looks like your typical cookie-cutter McMansion Colonial doesn’t it?

Well yes….but….nooo….All is not as it seems when you then you read the description off of the RedFin and the Coldwell Banker Realtor’s website:

“50 shades of Maple Glen”. One of a kind surburban home with a sexy twist. Private quiet lane of 3 homes leads you to a secluded 4 bedrooms upstairs plus 1 bedroom in basement 2.5 bath colonial home located just 15 miles outside Philadelphia in the suburb of Maple Glen. Property includes 3 fireplaces….Full finished walk-out basement w bilco doors, includes a gym or 5th bedroom and also is a private adult sexual oasis. It can be converted back to a typical suburban basement. Home currently is being offered as an Air B&B rental @maisonxs that gets $750 a night on weekdays & $2000 a night on the weekends for private parties or entertainment.Convenient to PA turnpike, 309, 63, 152 , trains to Center City Phila, restaurants, shops, & minutes from downtown Ambler. Award winning Upper Dublin school district. House is being sold furnished.

Now I can’t take credit for discovering this, a friend of mine did and posted it.  So have many, many people on social media.  This real estate listing will go viral no doubt….

So…the house is being sold furnished…well I guess those bondage contraptions are hard to pack and move aren’t they?

Yes, really – check out the real listing and the smattering of screenshots I took (since I think it could all disappear- and slowly are- just my opinion but…) :

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Can.You.Just.Imagine thinking you are going to see a normal suburban home in a decent school district? Will realtors have to warn adults to leave the kiddos at home when coming to view this listing? How on earth will they handle an open house? How much do you want to bet it’s the broker’s open all realtors will flock to? (Wearing dark glasses, wigs, and hats so they aren’t recognized of course.)

And OMG the Realtor. You just can’t unread, unhear this  from CBS3:

It’s what lies in the basement that makes this home something right out of Christian Grey’s Red Room. Leonard says it has been turned into a “private adult sexual oasis,” fully stocked with whips, chains, a sex swing, among other things.

The entire home is being sold fully furnished, but if a sex room is not your thing, Leonard says the room can always be converted back to a typical suburban basement.

Hi, Me here. Dying laughing. Realtor spinny spin spin. Sometimes my dear, least said, soonest mended. That Realtor should not have given a sound byte IMHO. “If a sex room is not your thing” LOL LOL LOL. No honey…no no no…but I heard she told a reporter that her phone was blowing up? LOL LOL LOL of course it is….

However, what shows up in houses never surprises me as I still remember being a kid and being taken along as my parents were searching for a house when they decided we were moving from the city to suburbia.  In one staid and traditional neighborhood in Bryn Mawr there was a home with a primal scream therapy room complete with padded walls…and they also had an old electric chair….as in a chair to fry people in. It wasn’t operable but it was horror movie creepy. It was so unexpected I still remember my mother standing there in stunned silence before recovering her composure.  I wish I could remember the house location exactly but all I remember was it was on a corner, had sidewalks, well manicured typical Main Line neighborhood on the north side.

I realize everyone deserves to sell their home for top dollar but what will this listing attract to that neighborhood in Montgomery County? What has it already attracted as an AirBnB??  Yes, it is an AirBnB:

Welcome to MXS.

A privately secluded 3-level, 4000 sq.ft exquisite showpiece located 15 miles outside of Philadelphia.

More information
Provides a cozy and warm experience, or something a little more exciting, MXS is designed to appeal to your own personal mood.

When hosting private parties, demonstrations, or just a retreat.
When in Philly, think MXS.

Interaction with guests

MXS enjoys the company of guests at their request as well as providing them with butler and concierge service.

Other things to note

Private wing available for short-term stay at a discounted rate. Please message us for details.

Oy vey, so does the Master or Madam greet you at the door in black leather and a hood if you rent for AirBnB? What does the butler and concierge service wear?

I must be getting old, as this doesn’t do anything for me other than want to get down on my knees and give thanks to the Lord above for my awesome neighbors without surprise bedrooms and bondage proclivities.

Good luck selling the house, I think it is a little plebian for Christian Grey. After all, where would he land the private jet?

To each their own.  This just gives me the creeps. And while I tried not to judge, while I tried to be objective, I just can’t be anything other than skeeved out.

My my my the Ambler and Upper Dublin area sure has grown up hasn’t it? Makes you really want to know your neighbors doesn’t it? And say you wanted to buy this house but didn’t want the “extra” furnishings? How on earth would you title THAT house sale?

Ok enough on the 50 shades of creepy real estate listing.  Every pot has a lid, shoe has a foot…I guess?  But hey, at least it is in the “award winning” Upper Dublin School District, right?

brian article

And the media is having fun…Philadelphia Magazine added it to their “Just Listed” with a column by Sandy Smith. And Brian Hickey from the Philly Voice toured it today and I am waiting for his article because I think it will be my favorite….

Oy vey.

So wonder how the neighbors feel?

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1 thought on “for sale: suburban home complete with bondage room

  1. This is the best piece you have ever written!!! You have such a sense of good and bad, right and wrong, and can back away, with a bit of humor, from that which cannot be stopped . Keep up the good work and don’t stop caring.

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