Listening is a skill that a lot of people lack. It kind of goes into that same category of people not having empathy, or basic reading comprehension.
Two people hurt me on Christmas Day. They are people in my world that you would think knew better. Yet somehow, they, never, ever do. My husband sighed and said to me essentially it would hurt less if I accepted they would never change. One also made me angry by going to my husband instead of me like I am in fact a 1950’s housewife bobblehead.
To my husband I say, I know you are right. And yes I am admitting that out loud so write down the date and time. But my rational mind, knowing and accepting that they won’t change, is sort of caught between a rock and a hard place because my emotional self took a punch to the emotional guy on Christmas Day. That kind of damages the magic quality we all hope for on Christmas.
That being said, I committed social media taboo yesterday by posting how I really felt. Now we all know we are never, ever supposed to do that. We are supposed to live our best, fake Facebook and Instagram lives at all times.
Just because I vent and am honest about how I am feeling doesn’t mean I am loosing my marbles. I just had something to say and said it. Out loud. So it stopped running unchecked in my head.
Maybe that makes me odd or unusual because I am not living my best fake life on Facebook and Instagram, but I am actually O.K.
Venting is actually quite healthy. You all should stop worrying about how it looks and just do it once in a while.
When I wrote about it initially I said all I was doing was venting. I was NOT looking for opinions, advice, or free social media psychological analysis. Four dear friends from different stages of my life village got this completely.
One friend knew I needed to talk it out, so she gave up a good part of her morning for me and we had an awesome catch up in addition. She has recently moved into a new how out of state, so I appreciate the time truly.
Another friend, from a similar background including that of our fathers growing up, totally got where I was coming from. She has always been very intuitive that way.
A third friend, actually a classmate of my sister’s originally, also gets it. And she has been through a lot in her life, so I deeply respect her for surviving all of that and getting me.
The fourth? Just gets me, flaws and all 100% of the time and always has. She pulls no punches and will flat out go 100% Jersey on me if she thinks I am wrong.
Then there were people who messaged me was I O.K..? Yes, I am O.K., but I can’t just turn the other cheek on everything nor pretend bad behavior especially at Christmas is even remotely O.K..
And that is the biggest thing of all with this: it is Christmas. I work so hard to make Christmas magical for my world. Is it too much to ask for some not in my world every day to at least pretend for one day? I get I am not particularly important to them, that I make them uncomfortable for not being more like them. I get all that. Truthfully, I have to be me, whether they like that or not. But damn if I don’t keep hoping, thinking, wishing, wanting that they would be different.
Back to yesterday. Some took the social media path of essentially NOT listening to what I was saying. People, listen. Not just to me, but everyone in your world. And sometimes, like it is all about all of you, it is actually about someone else, and their feelings. Yesterday was bout MY feelings, not how you thought I should be feeling.
We all have to be selfish for ourselves at times, but the trick is recognizing that happening and that is is a temporary thing. Nothing fatal, not particularly permanent, but people occasionally just have to work through shit, even if it makes YOU uncomfortable.
I am working through a few things, and on Christmas Day, I realized sadly that how I feel when interacting with certain people, only hurts me, not them. To them I am not even really a blip on the radar. To realize on Christmas that fact of my life once again that the best course of action is to remove myself from the way some are and to just live my life is the best thing for me, is super hard. To realize you are not accepted or understood after expressing how you feel is so hard at any time. And I guess that is why I have sympathy in society for those whom the rest of or part of society feels the need to shame and bully and change and put down.
But what is that old adage? We can only control our feelings and behavior, not the feelings and behavior of others? O.K. note to self: go back to listening to yourself. Take your power back.
And I am not talking about taking back power on anything bad, just looking in the mirror and realizing you are not a bad person just because some people will never get the core or essence of you.
And if I want to vent, people, I will. It is far healthier to get things out then to chew on in, internalize it, let it fester. Have an emotional coming out party. We can’t always do everything at the expense of self to make others more comfortable as they steam roll over our feelings.
Emotional independence is a hard jam. Why? Because we all have that inner child wanting someone to make the boo boo better. Sadly, things only get better if we take those steps for ourselves.
And next time before your tiny keyboard runneth over on someone else’s social media page because they are shock and horrors living a real and more authentic life even on social media the land of narcissists, poseurs and fake it until you make types, hit the pause button. Maybe you should just let them vent. A very old fashioned notion that pre-dates social media, but often not a bad idea.
There, it’s out of my system. If you were able to listen, thanks for listening.