If I had been rescuing ducklings from an oil spill I would have been good this afternoon . But I was just getting some last minute holiday essentials delivered by Instacart.

Sigh. I went into pre-holiday meltdown over this one.

I treated myself to Instacart. I mean who likes going to grocery stores the week of Thanksgiving or any major holiday, am I right?

For me holiday grocery shopping PTSD started with a particular event in the early 2000s.

This comedically terrible event took place in the Bryn Mawr ACME before the store was rebuilt.

I had run in for a couple of things and I was right up against the shelving, reaching up on tips of my toes to get something off of the top shelf. All of a sudden it was “wham” and then “ouch”, as somebody had rammed a cart into the back of one of my heels and actually scraped it.

The cart was “driven” by angry male shopper who probably had a giant honey do list and instead of saying “Oh my gosh, are you OK?” He yelled at me that I should watch where I was going. He also told me that it was my fault.

Ummm yeah no.

Mouth flew open and I said “No, the correct response is ‘I am so sorry, I hope I didn’t hurt you,’ not ‘It’s your fault that I just maimed you.’”

Benny Brooks Brothers then told me I was a crazy bitch and basically cart wheelied down the aisle to I guess one presumes another ankle assault in a different aisle.

And since cell phones came into existence, the other thing I don’t like about holiday grocery shopping is listening to everyone’s cell phone conversations on speakerphone in the aisles. Women are more guilty of that than men and those women really should watch the conversations they’re having in public and that’s all I’m going to say other than no one needs to hear whom Charlie is cheating with, and favorite sexual positions of strangers.

Mmmkay no thanks.

So as I have been regaling all of you with tales of why I don’t like going to the grocery store right before a holiday, have you noticed the photos I’m posting? This is very important. This means that as any kind of a shopper even delivery you cannot escape the holiday curse sometimes.

I treated myself to Instacart, especially because I wanted things from Aldi and Aldi is crazy on a normal day. I had a “platinum shopper” so I thought I would be in good hands and yet when she tried to replace white wine vinegar with white vinegar, I should’ve known…. especially because I had as my instructions for a refund if it was not available.

She also wasn’t the most communicative shopper and that could’ve just been the Internet access in the store. She dropped the order off, and I went to retrieve it.

This is when I had my pre-holiday Calgon take me away moment. She had put the Dawn dish soap in the over stuffed shopping bag upside down. this meant my order was basted in Dawn dish soap.

Because there were things in paper containers, and paper sacks like flour for baking, they had to be thrown out because they were soaked in Dawn dish soap.

That soap permeated so much!

Also because the bag was poorly packed a lot of my eggs were broken and also were coated in liquid dish soap. And the yogurt container was somewhat smashed, with the added flavor of ….you guessed it….dish soap.

Now I admit Instacart customer service was wonderful and very apologetic because I sent them photos. I didn’t want them to think I was just trying to get free stuff . I don’t think even they had seen anything quite like that before.

Note that bags if you have to buy them aren’t that much and I would rather pay for a second bag then end up with dish soap all over my grocery order two days before a major holiday.

I also think I have to find another dish soap smell now.

Thanks for stopping by.

Thanksgiving shopping trauma victim signing off 🤣