the ick file: royal “junk” we can do without

Shut up Harry

I am an Anglophile. I have a British stepfather and step siblings and step nieces and nephews and so on. They are a wonderful bunch. I have friends and former teachers who are British and live in the U.K. All are wonderful and bright and I can’t help but wonder how they feel about Prince Wanker, err I mean Prince Harry? I would actually ask except I don’t want to ad to the gaper delay of us Yanks to their now British equivalent of Billy Beer. For those who can’t buy a clue here, President Jimmy Carter’s brother Billy. Billy Beer is a brand of beer first made in the United States in July 1977, by the Falls City Brewing Company. It was promoted by Billy Carter, when Jimmy Carter was then the President of the United States.

I remember watching Harry’s mother’s wedding on a tiny black and white TV in my bedroom the summer of 1981. I was 17 and kind of sort of still believed in life fairytales like that. I also remember watching the then inconceivable news cycles that seemed endless when she died on August 31, 1997. And I remember all the crazy news stories between her marriage and her death.

So I am not trying to minimize the loss or the issues faced by Prince Harry over the course of his life. Or that of his brother, William.

But enough already. And enough of Meghan Markle. If she had been of age during the hey day of The Beatles there is not a doubt in my mind she would have edged out Yoko Ono. She’s another version of Wallis Simpson with no socialite pedigree, and Harry is evolving to be as embarrassing as his late great uncle Edward (David.)

I loved Meghan Markle in Suits. I also recall a Hallmark movie. But she was never going to be more than a TV actress. She is a few years older than Harry, having been born the year his parents married. At first I thought with she and Harry what a cute love story, but now? Is she really just a social climbing Royal digger?

Look, no doubt Meghan was treated badly by quite a few in Buckingham Palace. The place is somewhat known for bad behavior as long as there has been a monarchy. It’s like a giant popular girls lunch table in the middle school lunchroom with pedigrees and pecking orders. And honestly as much as I am an Anglophile, some can be horrible snobs and we are all still just those ill bred colonists. So I do believe she was targeted and treated poorly.

But. Meghan and Harry elected to go Wallis and David and leave the Royal family. OK fine. No really, if it’s not your jam, leave. But the problem is, they’ve never left.

Everything they have been up to since they left, is one giant publicity stunt, and all about money. I won’t be reading Harry‘s memoir, and none of us have to, technically because it’s being shopped all over the media, along with all of his appearances. Remember the E Series “The Royals”? With these two it’s like the show never got cancelled.

I think most of it is just in bad taste. And if he’s so happy with his new life, why does he keep talking about his old life? Oh yeah for money.

The thing that really sent me right over the edge was when my friend had posted about his using some Elizabeth Arden cream on his private parts. Howard Stern should have a field day with this. Personally I have never been a fan of Elizabeth Arden products, but if I was I wouldn’t buy them again now because of Harry Tell-All TMI.

Yes, Harry, we get it. You are the Royal Dick literally and figuratively.

Enough already.

Page Six NY Post: All about the Elizabeth Arden cream that saved Prince Harry’s frostbitten penis By Elana Fishman

January 13, 2023 | 4:57pm

Prince Harry in the snow

All about the Elizabeth Arden cream that saved Prince Harry’s frostbitten penis

By Elana Fishman

January 13, 2023 | 4:57pm

Page Six may be compensated and/or receive an affiliate commission if you buy through our links.Prince Harry’s frost-nipped “todger” has everyone talking.PA Images via Getty Images

It works on chapped lips, dry cuticles — and even the crown jewels.

Of all the bombshells from Prince Harry’s buzzy new memoir, “Spare,” few have captivated the internet quite like the Duke of Sussex’s confession about treating his “frostbitten todger” with Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream ($27), a cult-favorite formula that’s a go-to for many members of the royal family … including, now, Harry’s member.

The Duke of Sussex revealed that following a charity trip to the North Pole in 2011, his own pole wound up wounded from the bitter cold…””My mum used that on her lips. You want me to put that on my todger?’” Harry recalled asking his pal, to which they responded, “‘It works, Harry. Trust me.’”…Continued the duke, in a passage that’s horrified many a reader, “I found a tube, and the minute I opened it, the smell transported me through time. I felt as if my mother was right there in the room.”

Well, it’s a good thing the poor man child Prince is presumably getting lots of money from his book. He can invest some of it back into therapy for mommy issues.

Last word? This couple lacks dignity, they lead a pretty cushy privileged life, and they should be able to have some modicum of dignity.

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