I saw a post fly by on social media that resulted in a flurry of crazy and often judgmental and seriously non-comprehensive of the situation comments.

Basically, a mom who is divorced from her spouse, making her a co-parent, is having issues with the new wife or partner of the husband…the stepmother.

The issues involve things like the stepmother stepping full on into the mom role, even at the children’s school(s) when the birth mom/first wife is very much local and in the picture. Stepmother is taking every volunteer spot available, and it sounds like before the actual parents can discuss a thing.

The stepmother is essentially overstepping. Medical, school stuff including conferences, and other events. The birth mom/first wife is appreciative that this stepmom loves her kids, but you could tell she’s at a loss. Birth mom /ex wife doesn’t want a problem, but she is present in her children’s lives as an active co-parent so she asked what people thought.

Some people were of the mind set “so what?” Others were offended FOR the stepmom.

Hi, me over here? I am a stepmother and it’s hard. But I have worked hard to try to remain respectful of the shall we say biological bonds and biological parental relationships. Again, it’s hard. My personality is naturally kind of want to take charge and do stuff. But as a stepparent, that quite literally is not my job. My job is a supporting role. Sometimes I succeed in the role, sometimes I fail. I am a work in progress.

I will never be a primary decision maker. And I think the stepmom in this case needs that explained, and her husband, the regular mom’s ex should make that clear. It’s great to be an enthusiastic participant, but when you are a stepparent, you aren’t the lead in the play. I don’t know how else to say it.

I have no idea who any of these people are, but maybe the 2nd wife / stepmom is being an overachiever because she is insecure? But hey now, life can be hard enough regularly without the blended family of it all.

Having a more supportive less action oriented role sounds counterintuitive. But being supportive and involved but not parenting does have it’s own rewards. And trust me, I have had my frustrations and even moments of hurt throughout the years. Life is not for sissies. But it’s important to try to mind your place in the familial organization.

This mother deserves to be heard, and the ex husband and the stepmother need to listen. A second marriage is not just add water, instant family. It’s just another act in the play of life.

Remember the kids of it all. It’s hard enough on them when adult parents split and then remarry or have other life partners.

So

That’s all.