The other day Spotify popped up with Don Henley’s The End of the Innocence in the song rotation. Now it’s like an earworm. The opening lyrics were playing in my head when I woke up:
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
The song was written in 1989 by Don Henley and Bruce Hornsby. Bruce Hornsby has been one of my favorite musicians since forever, and I liked this independent phase of Don Henley, so I have always loved this song.
I wonder if it is on my mind because this is the last week of high school for our son, my stepson?
I know that as a teenager about to graduate high school we are all annoying parental units, but where has the time gone?
I remember with great love the 10 year old with big eyes who loved hot chocolate and who used to make me apple slices with peanut butter on them.
Mind you I love my 18 year old very much, but well…teenagers don’t make you apple slices with peanut butter or want to sit and drink cocoa with you. They are here, and then they are out with their friends. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom.
Our son has done tremendously well in high school and we are SO proud of him. He was accepted early decision to a truly remarkable school. He is poised for success for the rest of his life.
And one of the best things I can say about our son, is that he is very much his father’s son in so many ways. He is kind and loving and has a true generosity of spirit and loyalty to all in his world. He has wonderful friends.
Time has flown.
In a sense, he (my son/stepson) and I have grown up together since as a stepparent I was late to this parenting game.
Sometimes it was very hard for me, I won’t lie. Not because of our son, but the whole getting used to being a parent. And being a stepparent is vastly different a role from being a parent. It’s more of a supporting role. And sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut, even when you don’t want to. (And well ME not having an opinion sometimes is torture!)
When he was in 8th grade I did not know if I could do it. First of all, they all started dating then. Dating in 8th grade is not something I did – probably because I was a year plus ahead in school, so I know back then, my emotional levels were completely different from my classmates. But it’s a different time and you do your best to adapt.
My growing up as a stepparent has not been without odd experiences. Like the first dance.
I remember the first dance, the spring formal for our son in 8th grade like it was yesterday. I was so incredibly nervous. It was my first social function for the school as a stepparent. They needed someone to photograph the group of kids going together to the dance, so I volunteered. It is something I already do, and having a camera in my hands in new situations is very calming.
We were going to the house of the girl our son was dating for pre-dance photos. First girlfriend, first dance, official stepparent debut. And no one spoke to me while I was there. Seriously. I walked in and no one said hello, no one spoke to me the entire time. Not even our son’s date’s parents at whose home the photos took place. It was like one of those dreams where you are speaking to people, but you are invisible, so they glide on by, not hearing or seeing you.
I was ready to hang up the stepparent dress right then and there. It was awful. Almost as bad as my first experience in the car rider line when I accidentally got into the wrong line and people surrounded my car and started yelling at me like I was an ax murderer. But then it all changed. Then I met the parents that helped me grow and get through high school as a learning stepparent.
These were the parents who welcomed me before the 9th grade dance. Parents of boys and girls in his class, and I am appreciative of all of them. I love the time spent with them. They welcomed me to their circle. And from there, we watched our kids grow. I no longer felt such the outsider. I felt I had a place among them.
I just spent time with a few of them over Memorial Day Weekend as a matter of fact. We laughed and talked about high school with the kids. It was wonderful. And every single kid has a bright future ahead of them.
In a way this is also like my graduation as a stepparent. Sounds weird but it’s true. I survived and he survived me surviving. We survived him learning how to drive and me being nervous, SATs/ACTs, girlfriends I didn’t like, and generally growing up.
And that growing up is both of us. My son deserves a medal for surviving me learning how to be a parent and stepparent. It’s hard. And some days I swear I still stink at it. But again, I love this kid. To the moon and back. I did not give birth to him, but he is firmly and forever etched in my heart.
His father and I love him so much and are so very proud of him. (And he will tell you I had the total meltdown complete with tears this morning when I told him how proud we were of him.)
I have many friends with graduating seniors this year. Some of whom are close friends I have known since we were basically the age of our kids.
To my friends: I have loved every prom photo, travel photo, dance recital , sports event, travails of boyfriends and girlfriends and swearing we of course did NOT drive our parents as crazy, every everything. You guys have been my rocks, my teachers on the learning curve of not losing your mind on dumb stuff. It is somewhat surreal to think our kids are graduating as I remember graduation with some of you. Lined up in our white dresses, with our flowers.
To my friends with all of this ahead of them, get out your tissues…it’s emotional parental puddle time. And take time to smell the roses.
Where has the time gone??? It feels like yesterday I was in his place, getting ready to graduate.
(And yes, I am passing along my earworm)
Thanks for stopping by.