sigh….mommy d.u.i…….again

lindeOn the Main Line, it is once again Mommy DUI groundhog day. Yes, another Mommy DUI.  Karin Linde of Bala Cynwyd.  I believe Walt Hunter said in his interview on CBS3 that she is around 32.

Now I will note from jump that this mommy does not fit the socially upwardly mobile mold of the two other Main Line DUI mommies Meredith Williams-Earle and Grace  Tuten. Same area, similar age range, but this one is a  repeat DUI offender (see uploaded court docket “Linde prior.”)  This was the Olive Garden DUI mommy of 2011 that was in Patch. At that time, Bala Patch reported she blew a 0.38 blood-alcohol content, nearly five times the legal limit.

I took a major amount of guff from some when I wrote about the last Main Line Mommy DUI, but let’s fill you in on this current one before we circle back to my thoughts on this topic.

CBS 3: EXCLUSIVE: Another Main Line Mom Charged With DUI Crash With Child In The Car

December 6, 2013 3:51 PM

(Watch video HERE)

By Walt Hunter

VILLANOVA, Pa. (CBS) – A 32-year-old mother faces drunk driving and child endangerment charges after police say she plowed into the rear of a car Thursday night in Villanova, causing a chain-reaction crash. Officers found her 5-year-old son in the backseat.

Only CBS3 cameras were there as Linde was taken to Montgomery County Prison in lieu of $7,500 bail. …According to an arrest warrant, an officer “asked Linde if she had been drinking and she stated, ‘Well,ya.’ Then, according to the warrant, when asked to submit to a field sobriety test, she responded by “stating she was ‘smashed’ and that she in no way should be operating a motor vehicle.”

One other driver in the crash was treated for injuries. Linde’s 5-year-old son was not hurt, but police say he was not restrained in a booster….

Court records show Linde pleaded guilty to drunk driving and causing a serious injury crash following a 2007 accident.

Linde is the third mother charged with driving drunk and crashing her vehicle with her child in the backseat in the past four months in Lower Merion.

When I commented before on this topic I said that I feared an epidemic of these DUI mommies was brewing.

I will ask some of the same questions I asked before:

What has gone wrong here?  How do families not know if someone is having issues? Do that many people really in this day and age routinely drive around comfortably numb? And who exactly let her get behind the wheel of a car? Who lets an intoxicated young mother get behind the wheel of a car with a child in the back seat?

This woman Karin Linde is a repeat offender.  With these new charges (see Linde 2013 ) she went to jail.  They reported that her husband has the child. Thank goodness, I guess. Except if she is a repeat offender, how is it she is allowed to drive anyone around, let alone drive herself?

I will say it again that to me this is an alarming issue.  And with now multiple incidents (different women) to hit the news a couple of months apart , I will state again that I truly see this as an issue.

But if we are honest, by varying degrees this is not a new issue. It’s just not one discussed in public as much as whispered down the lane.

Once again, I want to try to show these women compassion.  But if I am brutally honest, with this one I am having a hard time doing so.  Why? Because this woman seems to have “oops, done it again” and wow,  when do you stop? When does the being a mother gene kick in?

Alcoholism is an awful disease.  I have friends who have been “in the program” for years.  Including now not so young moms. Some have been successful working their programs, others not so much.

When I wrote my last post in November on this sad topic I didn’t just catch hell from mommy bloggers who did not like me writing about this or mentioning these women by name (even if the media and law enforcement already “outed” them by name and location), I received a lot of off-line feedback from women who had experienced issues with alcohol and/or had been a child of one or more alcoholic parents.  They thanked me for talking about it. And shared some heart wrenching stories of their own.  I won’t betray those confidences, but I applaud them for being brave and dealing with it.

Some people with alcohol issues never hit the bottom to stop, some do. They have to want it.  You have to want to get better.

Tonight, nineteen days before Christmas a young mother from the Main Line sits in jail unable to post bail.  Somewhere, someone is undoubtedly trying to help her 5-year-old make sense of all of it.  Can you imagine being that child? Accident, noise, mahem, sirens….mom being taken away in the back of a police car.

My heart aches for the children of these people.  The littlest and almost silent victims.

And no parent wants to judge another parent, but my word this is hard to wrap my head around.  I guess at the end of the day I don’t get how you put the alcohol first, child last.

Here is hoping something good happens for this latest DUI mommy. But I am sorry, this one seems like more of a train wreck, given past acts.

She could have killed quite a few people including herself and her child.

mom blogger is my hero

Janell Burley Hofmann, mom blogger, writer, community activist, and Huffington Post contributor is my hero.

So I am giving her my first fellow blogger shout out of 2013!

For a forty something I am a fairly adroit tech savvy diva, but I also believe in actual conversations, thank you notes, and other life niceties considered outdated by some.  I do not believe humans can live by text message alone and a traditional thank you note is truly an art form. I believe as parents we have to teach these little niceties and pass them along.  I sometimes feel that other parents don’t quite have a handle on this stuff even if it is not my place to judge.

But the younger generations (wow don’t I sound ready for orthopedic oxfords, yikes) seem to live by zippy non verbal expediency.  I don’t dig that, I like the actual conversation – I think we have to be verbal in order to communicate properly.  And proper communication doesn’t mean mad bouts of texting at midnight from the tween set.

Soooo Janell Burley Hoffman has been all over the news because she wrote up a contract to give to her 13 year old son along with his iPhone.  Reading what she wrote is like finding a kindred spirit! I find this all quite simply brilliant and would love to share and say to her THANK YOU for this – it lays it out nicely but with humor and great mom wisdom!

I would truthfully add a little tweak to this iPhone Mom Contract:

Addendum to # 4:    No texting super early on weekend mornings since you don’t know if you will be disturbing your friends or their family. (If you have been on the receiving end of pinging texts at 6:15 a.m.on Saturday or Sunday you know what I am talking about. I don’t care if the phone is on if someone is awake early, just keep it to a dull roar and maybe read a book or  watch TV or something until  around 10 am on the weekends )

Here is Janell’s “contract” with her son Gregory:

To My 13-Year-Old, An iPhone Contract From Your Mom, With Love

Posted: 12/28/2012  5:15 pm By Janell Burley Hoffman

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?

 

2. I will always know the password.

 

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad.” Not ever.

 

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

 

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

 

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

 

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

 

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

 

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

 

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me.  If you have a question about anything, ask a person — preferably me or your father.

 

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

 

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts.  Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence.  It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life.  It is always a bad idea.  Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you.  And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.

 

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything.  Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

 

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

 

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff.  Your generation has access to music like never before in history.  Take advantage of that gift.  Expand your horizons.

 

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

 

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger.  Wonder without googling.

 

18. You will mess up.  I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it.  We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning.  I am on your team.  We are in this together.

 

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms.  Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world.  It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get.  Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine.  I love you.  I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone. 

xoxoxo, Mom