here we are again, what can we do?

Posted on May 25, 2021 by carla

The online local news outlet The Daily Voice reported some incredibly sad news yesterday:

State Police: 17-Year-Old Boy Takes Fatal Leap From Route 322 Bridge In Downingtown
Nicole Acosta
05/24/2021 2:19 p.m.

“A 17-year-old boy took a fatal leap from the Route 322 bridge in Downingtown (Chester County) Monday afternoon, PA State Police told Daily Voice.
Lanes in both directions on Route 322 between Bradford Avenue and Downingtown Pike were reopened as of 4:35 p.m. after being closed for nearly two and a half hours, according to Patty Mains, spokeswoman for the Chester County Department of Emergency Services.
The boy, whose name has yet to be released to the public, committed suicide by jumping from the bridge, Trooper Kevin Kochka told Daily Voice.“
~The Daily Voice 5/24/21

This occurred in Downingtown , but a similar railroad trestle teen suicide also occurred in Berwyn in 2015. Also male.

In 2019, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported on a “suicide cluster” in Downingtown. But before that year, there was the suicide of a beautiful 14 year old girl named Rose Rondinelli, also from Downingtown.

Why I am mentioning Rose? Because her poor bereaved friends and family had to suffer again in May of 2019 when she was left out of the yearbook. Now according to the school district she will be in the 2022 yearbook which would have been her senior year. I remember Rose’s story. I think Rose needs to be remembered, and all of these other kids who left the world too soon.

I have not seen the news pick this latest tragedy up yet except for The Daily Voice. I went back to PA State Trooper Kevin Kochka today to see if there were any updates. Truthfully I didn’t expect anything, because it’s too new but thought I would ask.

Trooper Kochka is an incredibly thoughtful human being and he replied to me in part:

“I agree, this year has taken a terrible toll on all of our children and mental health is not only a major issue right now with our teenagers, but this pandemic is going to have a longer effect than just the virus itself.
Education and services for mental health is more important now then ever and we need our kids to know that there is NO SHAME whatsoever in talking about it. We have to make mental health feelings/episodes are something people know are ok to have and completely normal to get help for.
More importantly training/education for early identification is key. The early identification of signs/symptoms that someone may be having a mental health/crisis event, could save someone’s life and keep themselves and or others safe. I’m sorry I can’t provide more on the actual incident but want you to know this is something that is important to me.“
~ PA State Trooper Kevin Kochka

Trooper Kochka is so right about the need for mental health services and resources. And it is so hard at times for parents to pick up the cues. I have written several times before on teen suicide. I will note another wrinkle COVID has caused is often how almost impossible it is to get a professional your kid can talk to. I know people who had to wait weeks to even get someone to contact them back. And contacting them back, didn’t mean granting an appointment in most cases. Or that the parents can afford the costs of therapy.

Yesterday, former Downingtown Mayor and Chester County Commissioner Josh Maxwell said:

“Our hearts are broken today. In this community we’ll do everything we can to help our neighbor, our friend, or a child.

As we mourn, let’s find ways to help.

Chester County has resources that I hope you’ll share with your network.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing a mental health crisis, call 610-280-3270 available 24/7.

If you are feeling lonely, depressed or anxious and just want to talk, call Chester County’s warm line, 1-866-846-2722. This line is staffed by trained individuals in recovery.

Teen Talk Line ensures seamless referral to Mobile Crisis for youth in need of immediate or higher-level support. The call line is 855-852-TEEN (8336) and the text line is 484-362-9515.”
~ Chester County Commissioner Josh Maxwell

Of course when Josh posts this there is immediate discussion of the endless circle of headaches of the PRO-open school set vs. the STAY AT HOME-keep schools closed set. To those people I say for Christ’s sake! Get your political jollies elsewhere no matter which side you are on! A family is grieving, this poor child’s friends are grieving. There are no winners in this equation right now, it’s a devastating local event that speaks to a problem within many communities.

The absence of in person interaction has had a lasting affect on kids, especially boys. Boys bottle stuff up more, are far less communicative about feelings than girls. That is not to say girls won’t clam up. They will. What I am saying is boys internalize a lot. Societal mores – men/boys don’t cry, right? Wrong. They should. Everyone needs a good cry every now and again. If we can’t get those feelings out, they poison us.

And yes, mental health crises for teens was around pre-COVID, and then COVID ramped up the issues because the kids feel isolated. We were all home because that is what we had to do. I am not entering the debate of schools open vs. schools closed but it had an effect, a profound affect on kids.

Ironically May is mental health awareness month. Independence Blue Cross actually sent an article out today to insureds:

Stress:
Get help when you’re hurting emotionally

With the COVID-19 pandemic likely came a flurry of emotions—fear, excitement, stress. But of all the ups and downs most of us have confronted during the past few months, intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and loneliness might be the most prominent.
A recent study from the Kaiser Family Foundation reported that depression rates have surged among American adults since the start of the pandemic, up from 11 percent in 2019 to 36 percent in 2020. Increased reports of loneliness have been occurring as well, with one survey from SocialPro noting that roughly one-third of adults consider themselves to be lonely.
While it’s entirely normal to experience these negative emotions, it’s also important to seek help—and ultimately get treatment—if you’re struggling. Depression, when left untreated, can have a number of harmful impacts on your health, including increasing your risk for heart disease, diabetes, gastrointestinal issues, and a weakened immune system.
The sooner you’re able to identify your needs and receive help, the sooner you’ll start to feel better.
~IBX/ Independence Blue Cross

Now I will be honest and say over the past few years there have been too many suicides within the Downingtown Area School District, right or wrong.

Schools need to talk about mental health. They need to talk to their kids about it and not talk down to them. Some school guidance counselors are wonderful, some I think are less so. I think school districts need to make sure their guidance counselors are taking advantage of continuing ed on mental health and school districts need to give these counselors and teachers more resources.

A woman on Josh Maxwell’s post left a comment which truly spoke to me:

“Why does it take a tragedy to get folks to discuss mental health? This should be an issue every school board and admin discusses at every meeting. They should all have a plan.
We desperately need school-based mental health services and family peers in EVERY school. Finding services can take months. Kids spend months on waiting lists. Hospitals haven’t had beds pre-Covid.
Let’s fix the system. The systems are falling our kids. Not enough services, poor pay, high turnover in staff, lack of staff been adequately trained. I can go on and on. Why is it no better than 20 years ago? I have been working on this for 30 years. When are our communities going to say “enough ” and demand change? How many more kids need to die, be hospitalized, not have services or services that are meaningful? What does it take? A hotline is great, but it is far from a fix.”
~ Concerned parent.

11 Artworks That Define Depression Better Than Words Ever Could - Learning Mind

Freshman year in college the night before parents’ weekend a male friend jumped out of the top floor of the dorm I lived in. I was on the first floor, I woke to sirens and emergency lights. It was right outside where I lived. I never forgot. I was 18 years old. They offered no one for us (students) to talk to. I remember a student organized memorial service in the quad, and someone played the Genesis song Follow You, Follow Me over a loud speaker. I am 57 years old and I still remember this.

Parents in Chester County, please put your politics aside and realize that our kids need us.

Hopewell UMC in Downingtown has responded to this tragedy and is offering a safe space tomorrow for kids and parents to be together. 852 Hopewell Rd, Downingtown, PA 19335 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM. It won’t solve the problem, but I applaud them for caring enough to wish to provide solace and community fellowship even for one night.

suicide and depression

Posted on September 12, 2018 by carla

I am not even sure where to begin this post, so I am just going to dive in.

Suicide and depression.

NO NOT ME!

It’s the topic swirling in my mind since I was asked if I knew someone who had died over the past few days. Someone who had been clinically depressed and had committed suicide.

She was not someone I knew personally, but she was one of the thousands of members of my gardening group. She loved gardens and gardening. I am so sorry that gardening and other joys in her life like her children couldn’t keep her on earth for the people who loved her.

Suicide is something that touched me for the first time as a teenager and freshman in college. A boy whom I knew (and who was actually a cousin if a high school classmate) jumped out a dorm window a couple of floors above me. I remember it was the night before parents weekend started.

I still can remember waking up in my dorm room on the first floor to all the flashing lights and sirens. He was there, on the grass, outside my window a little bit away from it. The dorm was in like an “L” shape back there, so there was this bit of an open grassy area back there. I remember the student led memorial service with Genesis song Follow You, Follow Me crackling on a stereo in the quad area where the service was. I can even remember where I was standing.

I didn’t understand why then, I don’t understand today. Have I thought about what it would be like to NOT be here? Yes, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. I was newly diagnosed, not staged, and that combination of emotionally numb mingled with terrified. What I realized that fateful day was how badly I wanted to survive and live. So while I understand why suicide happens, I also don’t understand because I am not made that way.

I think of all of the women I know. Many I have known since early childhood. Some have had amazing and extraordinary lives and careers, others like myself, more regular lives. We have lived our lives. Sure we have all had regrets along the way, it’s what makes us human. Sorrow, joys, life in technicolor sometimes more black and white…but we live on. I am grateful for my friends.

Are our lives what we expected as children? Honestly? I don’t think so because I don’t think life is made that way. We have the paths we thought we would take, and they are often quite different from the paths we end up on. But we are alive and kicking.

As an adult, a friend from growing up lost their younger sister to suicide. It has been just two years since that horrible event. The younger sister left behind her own young family as well as her parents and sister and other relatives. To watch a family grieve like that was raw and awful. It breaks your heart.

So when I heard this recent news I was thinking about this topic no one wants to discuss. I am going to share something written by blogger Lynn Getz who blogs under Be Like a Mother. She also has a talk show type of a program called Mom to Mom on Radnor Studio 21. She had interviewed the person who died recently. Lynn’s words on Facebook this week were so heartfelt and eloquent so I am sharing the message she shared here, in the hopes it can help others to pay this forward:

One of my other projects was a local public television show called Mom to Mom with Lynne Getz, which focused on connecting local moms to local resources. The show gave me a chance to feature many of the wonderful women I met through networking and showcase their businesses in the hope of helping other local mothers connect with them.

On one show I interviewed a local mom, Heidi Diskin, who was finding power in her pain of dealing with depression and bipolar disorder by sharing her experience through her Silent No Longer Foundation. Heidi was passionate about ending the stigma around mental health, advocating for more focus on it as brain health, and giving help and hope to those affected by depression and anxiety.

Yesterday I learned that Heidi lost her battle with this disease.

When I learned of her passing, I went back and watched this episode, listening again to Heidi’s words of advice about being proactive, getting a “check-up from the neck-up”, and knowing the signs of depression in others so that you can reach out and help them.

Heidi’s mission was to #endthestigma and speak openly about mental health. We need to talk about depression, and how it affects brain chemistry, making people believe they are not worthy and not needed. YOU ARE! We need to talk about how it tells you that no one will miss you, or that your kids will be better off without you. IT’S LYING! We need to know that depression and anxiety aren’t character flaws, they are diseases and must be treated as such. We need more people to speak out like Heidi did.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you or someone you love is suicidal, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

And in honor of Heidi, and all the brave souls who fight so hard against their brain disease, please take the time to watch Heidi’s episode, share her story, and reach out to that friend who has been on your mind that you haven’t heard from in a while. Know the signs of depression, and do not be afraid to ask for help or help someone who may be fighting this battle silently. For Heidi, and the nearly 45,000 other Americans who die by suicide each year, we must be silent no longer. https://youtu.be/OmpnjSbPQHY

Again, I did not know Heidi personally. But I have known women like her. And I know they feel isolated and alone, even if they aren’t. We need to take the stigma out of depression and mental illness. Maybe if we can have more open community conversations about this, we can all be the better for it.

Malvern Library in Malvern Borough on September 24th is having a joint event with Daemion Counseling Center that comes highly recommended . Reservations are required. Here check it out and thanks for stopping by: