Tag Archives: 2023

the end of 2023

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Well here we are. 2023 is about to become a memory. 2024 is knocking at our doors. 

Time flies. 

Life happens while you are making other plans.

Auld lang syne.

This is the year I turn 60. That is almost inconceivable to me. Women aren’t supposed to admit their age. But why? Why can’t we be honest and embrace it?

So am I now old enough to admit I really don’t give a damn about New Year’s Eve parties?

I came across this poem of Jeff Buckley’ today’s. I don’t quite know what to make of it, but here it is:

Like a lot of his music, it’s kind of abstract. But in this disjointed world in which we now live but he will never know, does it fit? Not sure. Like I said not sure what to make of it. (But then again I could never decide if I liked his music or not, although I once knew people who were *obsessed* with it.)

What will 2024 bring us? Will we all be living the fractured fairy tail that is the USA? Probably since we are going into another rather depressing Presidential election cycle. And no one has put the National Grifter in jail. It’s like those who could deal with him are all claiming to be a little bit preggers here. 

All we need to ever remember is January 6th, 2021. And if people vote for him again and his greed and political bullshit aren’t dismantled and put away for good, Americans will get what America couldn’t come together and deal with productively. It’s all great if people posture one way or the other all over social media, but if people don’t get out and vote him down?

I predict this will be once again the lesser of two evils election come the fall of 2024. That’s a shitty way to be governed don’t you think?

And Chester County Democratic Committee? Kindly cut the crap and ditch Grandma Charlotte and current leadership early in 2024. If you don’t, it’s not a question of if but when you all will ruin what you worked so hard to achieve. 

And Chester County Republican Committee? Quit pandering to extremism groups and saying you aren’t. It’s kind of like gun sale raffle tickets on election day, or very obvious. And background check your candidates, even for school board unless you will love you some more fake “professors”, for example? Or how about ditching the perpetual no-win candidates who seem to run for everything, not do their own campaign work, and drive the campaigns of your few good candidates crazy? You actually had some good candidates who suffered because of your less than stellar candidates. 

My ultimate wish for politics? Not whomever gets all of the toys wins, but balance. Our country was founded on balance and a two party system. Once again I will remark how the politics of extremism is ruining quite a bit, even basic interpersonal relationships. I have been saying this for a few years, and oh the criticism I receive. Whatever. I still think I am correct.

Chester County Municipalities in 2024? All I wish for is more “sunshine” and transparency, far less development, and more historic preservation.

Ahh social media, what will you bring us in 2024? In 2023 you bought me a self-branded public figure who decided to complain to the police about this blog, although I did truly nothing except mock a public figure and offer my opinion. And when you self proclaim you are a local celebrity and public figure? I just don’t know. Or the guy with the penchant for writing on campaign signs, and a what else do you call it other than a mail order bride 40 years his junior and a penchant for odd public Tik Tok video things only no one is supposed to ever say anything?

2023 brought us extremist groups in full flower and suburban mothers wearing gas masks and holding dead baby signs, bibles, and book banning lists at school board meetings. And the oracles of extremism they follow? Well there’s the story of the ménages à trois Moms for Liberty Co-Founder in Florida, and closer to home in Bucks County, a dark money supported former GOP candidate for Pennsylvania’s lieutenant governor who was also involved in a political action committee that claimed liberals were “indoctrinating” students is facing charges for and underage drinking party and assaulting a kid so these are their examples of greatness?

As we exit 2023 we can but marvel at so much the past 12 months?

From faux boutique owners that didn’t pay their Main Line bills, to running a century old furniture business into the ground through greed and chicanery, to wondering if tumbleweeds will fit in over at the old Pete’s Produce in Westtown, to living in fear over Danelo Cavalcante at large, to the craziness of Chester County politics (like raffle tickets for guns on election day poll tables) from both sides of the aisle (you can run for office as a Democrat in a primary but only if pre-ordained), it’s amazing we are all still standing isn’t it? And wait we didn’t even get to all of the development did we?

And social media, you’ve been exceptionally special all 2023. Yesterday I read a post by a woman in a social media group that struck me as raw and honest and describing the behavior of people that no one should aspire to and yet so many didn’t get it or wanted to tell her how she should feel:

EDITED: It’s not about new money, old money, or no money at all. The crux of the matter is discrimination, irrespective of one’s financial background. Focusing on creating an environment free from bias and treating everyone with dignity is the essence of this conversation.

So, my husband’s been cruising along in his career, and my business is holding its own too. Life’s comfy, but stepping into those fancy boutiques on the Main Line can throw a curveball.

It’s like I’ve got my own fan club following me around, especially when I just want to try on a pair of shoes. One shoe at a time, the other under lock and key – it’s almost like I’m on a secret mission. And the “Can I help you?” questions never quit, even when I’m broadcasting the “I’m good” vibes.

Supporting local businesses is a vibe I’m all for, but it gets tricky when you feel like you’re a fish out of water. Sometimes, I find myself hitting up big box stores just to dodge the whole vibe.

Here’s the kicker: recently, I’m trying on some clothes, and the salesperson pops the question, “Where are you from?” I say Malvern, and they hit me with a “No, I meant, like, what are you?” It’s moments like these that make you wonder if everyone’s just reading from a different script.

It’s not about expecting red carpet treatment because of success – it’s about wanting a fair shake. Sharing stories like this, maybe we can nudge things toward a more equal and inclusive shopping scene. Ever had one of those moments where you just wanted fair treatment, no strings attached?

I totally get where this woman is coming from. If you have experienced anything like this it is just sort of surreal no matter what the reason. And again, so many of the people who responded didn’t actually even get what she was saying. I got it. And I say that as a middle aged white woman who grew up on the Main Line. When you experience these special people, it leaves a spot. It’s just a terrible feeling before anyone dissects it to anything else.

One experience I had that was unpleasant was an antique/resale store in Wayne. I had been at Penn Medicine in Radnor having undergone a Mohs surgery for squamous cell skin cancer on my cheek. That meant, yes I had a small diagonal bandage on my left cheek. Squamous cell is in between basal cell and melanoma for those who are curious. So I was dressed down, not wearing rags and nice but not flashy jewelry and a nice handbag.

Ever since breast cancer, when I have a successful cancer procedure (and now there have been a few) I get myself a treat. I parked and went into the store. I was the ONLY customer with 3 or 4 sales women behind the desk. I wandered around for at least 20 minutes. All of those women knew I was there. They literally stared at me. I smiled at them. Not one said “hello” or “if we can help, let us know.” Nothing. I saw one thing that interested me, I said “excuse me, can you help me?” None of those women looked up. I left and have never been back.

Another true tale is years ago I worked at a now defunct plant nursery. The owner was a chain smoking, socially ambitious and wincingly unpleasant widow of the original owner. Let’s start with if someone she thought was a single man came into the business and they looked like they had a coin or two, because I was single I would literally get sent to the warehouse so she could have her single daughter wait on them. It was like warped Cinderella. It didn’t bother me, just made me laugh.

But what didn’t make me laugh back then there was the way they often treated this very, very old lady who would drive up in this ancient beast of a station wagon. Her clothes were neat and clean but threadbare. They were miserable to her, almost rude. Condescending. To them she didn’t look the part of the Main Line. She was just a little old lady who still liked flowers and plants sometimes. I liked this old lady named Miss Collins and I didn’t even know who she was or all the great things she had accomplished in her life until one day, many many years later, I read her obituary. 

Miss Collins, also known as Margaret Hill Collins was instrumental in getting Fair Housing laws in the suburban Philadelphia area as well as being a birthright Quaker from a very old Philadelphia family. She also worked tirelessly towards race relations. She went to the U.S. Supreme Court and won in 1973. She was from an old Philadelphia and Main Line family that would mean nothing to new settlers of the Main Line today, but her family property is today part of Bryn Mawr College. Swarthmore, Haverford and Bryn Mawr Colleges maintain her papers.

Back to social media. Social media seems to rule too many lives. We are all guilty of spending too much time on it sometimes. As a blogger, I am often caught in the swirling black hearted vortex of it all, usually because someone somewhere has decided I am an evil horrible person who should only regurgitate unicorns farting rainbows. Lordy, that sounds like it would be exhausting, so I opt for just being me. Undoubtedly in 2024 I will continue to be amused by the people who seem so obsessed over what one woman (me) thinks. I am not anything other than an ordinary woman. Might I suggest gardening for what ails them?

2023 has been a year that has been trying to many on personal levels. It seems like all of us experienced loss this year. The cycle of life has it’s ups and downs, it’s all how you muddle through it. Some days it is just that: muddling through and you know what? It’s ok. 

I never have pretended to be a perfect person, or to have led a perfect life. I am, at the end of every day, always just myself. I know I am lucky to be able to be just me. I am lucky to love an be loved. I am fortunate in family, friends, and a loving life partner in my husband who was rather late to dinner Saturday evening because at the end of the day he helped a man whose name he didn’t even learn, get his car started so he could get home to his pregnant wife in Massachusetts.

For 2024, I wish people peace. I wish people good health. And I actually wish people love. The ability to love, be loved, and love themselves. I wish for less phony bullshit. And for God’s sake get off of social media once in a while, and learn the actual history of where you call home.

Happy New Year’s Eve and cheers to 2024.

where are we as women and human beings supposed to go with this, lower merion?

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A long time friend from whence I came called me this morning. Had I seen “the” video about Lower Merion Police Department? I did not have any idea of what she was talking about. She sent me a link.

I am not being a drama queen writing that this made me want to scream in outrage, cry, and be terrified. What is going on with Lower Merion Police Department?

I grew up in Lower Merion. I met so many awesome and helpful police officers who were just good at their jobs for the right reasons from the time I was growing up through to when I left Lower Merion in my late 40s. So literally over 40 years. I will be honest, however, and say I encountered some that I was a little less enthused with. Who gave me pause, right or wrong.

I never talked about Lower Merion and their police really before. I have law enforcement in my family so I am extraordinarily aware of how difficult a career path it is and I have respect for the badge. But what happens when you feel that some of those who wear the badge don’t have respect for you and others? Do your feelings matter no matter who you are? Also note from jump I am not saying police shouldn’t do their jobs. But was this thing that happened really good policing and good police?

Also, If you talk about police and it’s not 100% positive, you often put yourself at risk. Sorry not sorry that is how I feel, and surely all the TV programs that discuss things like this have to have some real life inspiration somewhere, right? What I am going to talk about is long past, but it came rushing back today when I saw this video.

Right or wrong, when I was growing up and well into adulthood in Lower Merion, you were told (in a hushed tone) as a woman don’t get pulled over as a woman alone in a car. RIGHT OR WRONG being the key here. I always thought this was like urban legend until a rainy night many. many years ago now.

We were in the thick of fighting Lower Merion Township over eminent domain for private gain in Ardmore, or maybe it was just after eminent domain was killed which was like 2006. Below is a video of a news report that aired right before we killed eminent domain. I found it as I was thinking about my timeline. It’s a bit of an aside, but what we accomplished then (at personal expense sometimes) was kind of huge.

Anyway, when you take a stand against something big, you become a target. During those years private citizens and business owners alike, we were targets. It could be unnerving. Lower Merion Township was THAT angry we wanted to air dirty laundry about eminent domain. I have never known if what I went through was related, but somehow it felt related, right or wrong.

So this one night I was driving home after a Save Ardmore Coalition meeting above Hu Nan in Ardmore (the original Save Ardmore Coalition, not what it eventually became before it fizzled out when most of us were gone away.) It was a nasty rainy night. Driving, teeming rain. I was driving home when all of a sudden I saw flashing lights behind me. I drive like grandma, so I wasn’t speeding or anything. I didn’t think the police car meant me. But then I realized it was me being all flashed at and sirened, so I put on my hazards and stopped.

A policeman came up to the window of my car, yelling. He was yelling did I know what I did? I said (quietly) why are you yelling at me? That of course made him yell louder. We did the whole license and registration request and meanwhile I am on Lancaster Avenue headed west between Ardmore and Haverford, just past Woodside Road and the other side of a light not there, but next one up. S. Wyoming or something maybe? It was a weird light.

In between the shouting and the passing off to him of my information he tells me I ran a light. Again, I drive like Grandma, so I am not your lead foot pedal to the metal kind of driver. I did not run a light, and I am wracking my brain trying to think was the light changing as I went through it or something and I simply did not know. As I am sitting there I am becoming more and more uncomfortable and scared. I could feel myself shaking but didn’t let on or tried not to. Traffic was speeding past us at such a rate that I asked if we could literally move like 20 feet maybe into the parking lot that was just slightly up to the right. It wasn’t an accident scene, and it would have been safer for all. I really thought someone was going to hit the officer in his dark uniform standing outside my car or either one of our vehicles. The officer yelled at me no we weren’t moving. I asked again why he was yelling at me, which made him yell louder again. I never yelled, he never stopped, was that right? Was that a tactic? What was that?

OK look, I wasn’t being argumentative and told him that. I was a woman alone, very uncomfortable, very unsure as to what I actually did and terrified that I was going to get hit, he was going to get hit, WE were going to get hit. This was then the end of it and I drove home with my ticket, shaking. I kept on shaking for a good while after inside my home.

This was a new experience for me. I always before this had this kind of hero thing for police and firefighters. But this? It made me never want to drive at night as a woman ever again anywhere. I did take it to court and it didn’t make me feel any better. The whole experience left me feeling unsafe, uncomfortable. You see I complained, after the fact, so I still ask was I made to feel uncomfortable for a while because of that? I lived in Lower Merion for many years after this, and I always felt apprehensive even seeing a Lower Merion officer after that. As someone who is a law abiding rule follower even if I am occasionally politically/civically mouthy, I never looked at the police force where I grew up ever the same way again. And all these years later, this makes me very uncomfortable and sad to talk about. I hadn’t thought about all this for years until today, and watching that video brought it all back. Like a whoosh.

This scenario, right or wrong is one of those things that you aren’t just looking at race, you are thinking as a woman, what if she was me? What if that was me? What if I had been tased more than once?

Then it’s the scenario of a black woman being terrified, a cop with his gun out (listen to the recording – a woman who also happens to be a lawyer who was there speaking about it), and other black people as car passengers. This woman was handcuffed while her breasts were exposed after they dragged her out of the car? And tased how many times? According to the video, the female lawyer who saw it said the car passengers said tased 3 times? In the end like MORE than the police cars we can see in the video? Like 7 they say on the video? How is this not so incredibly action movie set excessive?

Then after that one experience of mine in years that followed, I had two experiences at public events where I was photographing said events, including one as the as the event photographer where I had police yell at me for taking photos. These were clear no expectation of privacy in a public space kind of deals and in one instance, a police officer from a suburban police force actually touched my person in front of witnesses including one of the event organizers and tried to literally RIP my camera off of me for taking event photos. In the middle of a public street, at a family friendly music event.

But these incidents have stuck with me. I rarely talk about them. And a big irony I keep coming back to regarding this whole LMPD debacle? National Night Out, the annual nationwide event to bring police and community together was founded in Lower Merion.

I live in a municipality now that I think has an amazing police force. I feel lucky.

Lower Merion Police Department is I don’t know what to think these days, but after this latest thing? Change has to happen. Multiple big white guys, one black woman. Her shirt is pulled up and in disarray, and I somehow don’t think it’s a Mardi Gras celebration and there will be beads, right?

To the poor lady, I am not trying to make light of what I have seen on video. I am so not. That terrifies me. That could be anyone. And if you listen to the recording which was as the whole thing was unfolding, this was for a supposed traffic infraction and the WOMAN COULDN’T SAFELY PULL OVER IN TRAFFIC, HEAVY TRAFFIC!!! This woman pulled into a parking lot, which is one of those public place situations/reactions women are told to do if they feel unsure, or unsafe.

And then all of a sudden it’s one, then two, then three, then FOUR police officers…eventually 7 cars as per the video. If I was THAT woman I would have been terrified I wasn’t getting home alive or in one piece. Absolutely freaking terrified. ALL yelling at her. And HOW many times is it even LEGAL to tase someone? It seems from the video she was tased MULTIPLE times. But seriously, they could have thrown her into cardiac arrest or something doing it more than once, couldn’t they have? What if she had a pacemaker for example?

And yes, the woman was cussing a blue streak at them by the end. I have to say in this circumstance however, if it was you or me would you have been able to not cuss them out given what transpired? I mean Jesus. What was all that?

Lower Merion Police has had a slew of issues making the papers off and on the past couple/few years. I am putting a few articles up because I think it is timely and I have to ask is this a department in turmoil?

This scares me what happened. What happened to me all those years ago has indeed stuck with me, right or wrong. And it’s hard to talk about because we are not supposed to criticize law enforcement.

But Lower Merion needs to deal with this, as well as their commissioner police committee and their Township Manager Ernie McNeely, who used to be West Chester Borough’s Township Manager. I will note that one Lower Merion Commissioner Scott Zelov has been on the police committee forever, and really, they need to deal with this. Something is wrong if things like this are happening.

Thank you for the brave women who put this forward in a video. That takes guts and courage. And again to the woman to whom this happened: I am really sorry. No woman black or white deserves what happened to you. It’s scary and was all unnecessary and should not be swept under the rug. I hope she will be O.K. That is enough to cause PTSD for real.

I have now walked away from this post for a while to let it simmer. I still feel quite strongly that this needs to be addressed. This is not just a race thing, this is something that needs to be dealt with for all women. And men. This is something that will outrage and sadden, and cause fear.

I found some press release thing via screen shot. Not sure to whom it was released and then I went to their website and I see a thing about George Floyd? Well what about Jane Doe from Norristown and her traffic stop 1/8/23? You as a department, can’t talk the talk if you don’t walk the walk and this thing that has happened? This thing will also affect other police departments who weren’t part of this “event”. Not right either.

Police are here to protect us. And this is not some de-fund the police post, so we’re clear. This is a big box of wrong that needs to be unpacked, discussed, resolved. Lower Merion isn’t the Magic Kingdom even in as much as they think they should be.

What happened shouldn’t have. I end this post being so lost in thought about after all we have been through as a country that this shit is still happening. To my friends who still live in Lower Merion, please demand better from this township.

Lower Merion FOP: Supt. McGrath has “destroyed the integrity and reputation of the Lower Merion Police Department”

Lower Merion police lieutenant suspended for 3 days for allegedly helping candidate on exam
Sources say after the candidate “aced” the test, it was clear to other officers that the candidate knew the questions.

Chad Pradelli via WPVI
Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Township Looks for Answers in Wake of Accusations Against Lower Merion Police
Days after two separate but very serious accusations against Lower Merion’s police officers and its leadership, township and LMPD officials are still digesting what came to light Wednesday night.
Thomas J. Walsh, Patch Staff
Posted Fri, May 20, 2011 at 10:10 pm ET
Updated Sat, May 21, 2011 at 9:17 pm ET

The Harriton Banner: Policing and Race in Lower Merion October 9, 2015

The New York Times reported in 2014 on the vacated 1944 murder conviction of a 14-year-old black boy, George J. Stinney, “the youngest person executed in the United States in the last century.” Stinney was convicted of the murder of two white girls in a trial that took less than a day, and was executed only three months after the day of his arrest.

Circuit Court Judge Carmen T. Mullen’s decision to vacate, or legally nullify, the conviction was not based on the merit of the case but because “[t]he prosecution had failed in numerous ways to safeguard the constitutional rights of Mr. Stinney, who was black, from the time he was taken into custody until his death by electrocution.”

In light of the 2014 police killings of Eric Garner and Michael Brown, along with other notable cases where a white police officer killed a black suspect, a reasonable person may ask the question, “Has much about the justice and police system changed in the last 70 years?”

From Stinney’s case in 1944 to the cases of Garner and Brown in 2014 and many others, police and judicial racism against black citizens blights the United States’ national history. Closer to home, a history of racial profiling allegations exists in the Lower Merion Township, perhaps less violent or high-profile than that of Philadelphia or national breaking cases, but no less important.

In 2011, Officer Kerry Godbold accused the Lower Merion Police Department of racially biased hiring and promotion policies, which further consultant investigation found to be untrue. In January 2015, Wynnewood resident Deborah Saldana speculated that the police stop of two African-American snow shovelers was racially motivated, which the police department denied on the basis of previous illegal solicitation stops.

Both of these incidents were covered in Harriton Banner reports. According to a 6ABC report, a February 2015 meeting between residents and police gave no further satisfaction towards ending a legacy of tension.

Data and coverage of police bias events on the national and even local scale abound, but we wondered what stories we would find within our own school. In order to learn more, in December 2014, we interviewed two Harriton focus groups, one composed of ten black students in the POWER program, and the other of ten white students in Mr. Crooke’s journalism class.

The primary question was whether any of the students had been stopped by police. Though the groups were small and we were unable to account for the exact reasons students had been stopped, the numbers between the races were quite different: Eight of the ten black students had been stopped, while two of the ten white students had experienced similar treatment.

Matt Powell, then a Harriton senior, had on a black hoodie and got stopped across Lancaster Avenue. A white woman had become frightened, but in remembering, Powell wasn’t sure if it was because he was wearing all black or because he is black. Ethan Anderson, also a former senior, got stopped once while biking.

Savannah Brown, then a junior, reported that she was stopped and questioned by law enforcement when walking home from a friend’s house down the street. Later in the interview, Brown shared that she has multiple relatives who are cops, and although she does not hold any resentment or suspicion toward them, she still believes that some of their colleagues are doing wrong.

She was with Chris Fulton and Robyn Clark when, as Fulton described, the three students were stopped as they crossed a street. The officer told them not to jaywalk and said “Don’t do it again” to Fulton but not to Clark and Brown. Fulton felt uncomfortable, like the stop was “politically incorrect.”

well, it’s 2023

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Welcome to the first post of 2023. Happy New Year!

But what kind of year will it be? A repeat of 2022? Not quite a repeat, but a spin on the past few years? Honestly, I hope not.

I don’t have anything particularly profound or important to contribute today. Just thoughts.

2022 saw immense disappointment in humankind for me. It was like so many lost what shreds of humanity they had before the onset of COVID19.

Do I wish people would learn how to be nice again? Of course.

Do I wish people would learn to be tolerant of the differences in others, and would learn how to be more accepting of different creeds and cultures and lifestyles? Yes I do.

Do I think this will happen? Honestly, probably not. The everything phobic are too self righteous. To them, basic rights are subjective and if it bothers them that is all that matters. I predict in 2023 they will continue to harass everyone and embarrass their own children, which is sad.

One thing I wish for 2023 is for people to get more involved in their communities. Constructively and consistently, not after someone has already opened the proverbial barn door.

I do have a true wish for people to find their voices over their local issues. It’s so important, and you cannot just expect me or anyone else to give voice and life to your issues. I hate saying no to people, but I will. Learn to be your own advocates.

In that vein, I hope people take the time to learn about which people are running for public office. A politician doesn’t have to be your political party to be a good choice. Our country is a two party system that works best with balance. Which is why of course the Republican Party needs to get back to who they were, not what the tea party and Trumpublicans turned them into.

I hope 2023 is the year people learn to say no to and stand up to extremist groups and their fake news propaganda. Out of state 501(c)(4)s and budding Elon Musks/Donald Trump types should not be controlling anything.

In Pennsylvania, I hope 2023 is the year politicians get off their asses at the state level and take steps to amend and update the Municipalities Planning Code to protect our communities, not continue to destroy them via rampant overdevelopment. We need real land and historic preservation. We also need meaningful laws to protect our communities from the god damn pipelines and utility companies in general who wish to pay attention to their profit centers and grow their monopolies at the expense of our communities.

Yesterday at the bitter end of 2022 I had dual experiences. Valued time spent with friends and family and one more unpleasant experience with a keyboard warrior who was simply a jackass. These dual experiences reminded me of what and who was important. I expect 2023 will bring me more “fans” hell bent on bending me to their comfort levels. Maybe in 2023 these folks will simply learn to move onto people they are more comfortable reading, but I doubt it.

I guess if I have a wish for everyone in general it’s that 2023 is more peaceful and doesn’t feel as hard as parts of 2022. I also have a wish for Russia to get out of the Ukraine.

My other wish is for people to garden more! It will make you feel better about life to connect with the soil and plants! Cooking does this too. Find your creative outlet. Celebrate your inner child. Connect with friends and/or family. Give thanks for the blessings in your life. Try to find magic in ordinary days.

I promise I won’t suffer fools gladly in 2023. I am also going to stream the new series of Vera today.

Happy New Year.