random stream of consciousness

barnPeople see a blog and don’t get how it works.  Part of me gets that because there are different types of blogs.  Some are more like community websites where anyone can sign up and play, and then there are individual sites like mine which belong to the writer/owner and what they write about is entirely their discretion.

So I have been blogging for years at this point and used to have more of an activist bent.  But that is not the raison d’être of this blog.  This blog is for whatever I choose, when the spirit moves me, and how I wish to phrase it.

For example I might mention that I have a friend being unjustly treated by the mother of his only child and I have to wonder how this woman can sleep at night and does she have a pattern of this screw the baby daddy behavior as this isn’t the first time she’s done this? (Want to tug at the heart-strings? Check out Lulu Loves Dada)

Or I might talk about a woman I know who I think is incredibly brave.  She lives in another state and for the past few years has been living a nightmare worthy of a made for TV movie on Lifetime.  She is living proof it is hard for abused women to get out, and when the abuse isn’t physical it is just as bad if not worse.  This woman is amazing and just so nice.

And then there is my friend Jim, living in California and fighting to stay alive.  He can’t live without us and we can’t live without him (You can visit his website here.)

Maybe I will talk about my own journey through breast cancer or something else more personal.

Maybe I will share a recipe, review a restaurant, or post photos of a treasure from my favorite treasure barn (The Smithfield Barn, now on Facebook and they officially open for the season this weekend.)silo

Maybe I will post a photo or two or three or four or five.

Maybe I will comment on something that bugs me that I saw in the traditional media. A lot of times that has to do with butt ugly residential developments.  Sorry, but how many Dream Houses do Ken and Barbie need anyway?

Maybe I will write about a family who lost their dogs in a cruel and horrible way. Or chat about the oddness of horse “rescue” and funky Craig’s List ads.

Or maybe I might just post something funny I saw.

Or pick on PennDOT because their idea of road repair and safe roads is often laughable.

The point in all of this flowing stream of consciousness is this is my blog.  My forum.  If you leave me a comment on this site, it becomes mine. And no, I am not opening this site up to other bloggers.

Earlier today I was contacted by this person on the “about” section of my blog.  Her name is “Jan Parsons” – don’t know if it is her name or not.  She is concerned about “smart meters” which PECO Energy is going to be installing on a mandatory basis again.  Basically it seemed like she wanted to use my site as a forum for her issue.

Ok, I can’t be everything to everyone and I am not particularly interested in this issue.  My feeling is the health risks are minimal unless you are going to go around with the smart meter duct taped to your forehead. Yes I know this is a hot issue to some, but it is not my issue.  I am not a sponge, I do not soak up everyone’s issues.  That would be exhausting and take all of my time.

And I am sorry to be flippant but I survived seven straight weeks of radiation in truly high doses to the point I joked I glowed in the dark.  I just can’t get all jazzed about smart meters at this time. But what I did do for this woman was pass her concerns along to a contact I have at PECO Energy. To try to help. To which she freaking exploded and said I had “no right.”

Ok WOW.  I have people who contact me all the time about stuff who are *thrilled* when I pass their concerns along to a real person who might be able to help.

So I thought I would take the time to lay it all out again: I love when people read my blog.  But it is my blog.  Which means I get to say what goes on and doesn’t go on.  Sometimes I choose not to publish comments.  My prerogative.  Just like if I interpret something as a threat, it doesn’t mean it isn’t because you don’t happen to agree.

At  the end of the day this blog is part of my journey that I am choosing to share. I appreciate your readership.

Thanks for stopping by.

loss.

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Loss is indeed a four letter word.  I have cried so much today my eyes hurt and are but swollen slits in my face.  I am feeling my grief so much right now it is palpable, raw, and in Technicolor.

My little dog slipped away today.  Iggy is gone and I am so sad as I write this that I hope this post makes sense.

Some people might think I am crazy for writing about this while it is so new and so raw, but truthfully writing has always been my catharsis and I need to get this out. This is such a hard day.

It was almost three months ago to the day that I lost Iggy’s adoptive brother to old age. When I said good-bye to Mr. Peanut on October 11th, I did not think in my wildest imaginings that Iggy would go over the rainbow bridge this morning. But he did just that.

In December we found out Iggy had dog lymphoma.  But it was so early that we decided to roll the dice and try dog chemo.  I took Iggy to Dr. Ann Jeglum at Veterinary Oncology Services and Research Center on East Nields Street in West Chester.

As a breast cancer survivor taking my dog to his own oncologist was not easy.  But I wanted him to have options because his disease was in the early stages.

Dr. Ann Jeglum and the vets and staff who work for her at VOSRC are simply amazing and I am so glad I did this for my dog.  I saw a lot over the past month Iggy has been a patient and truthfully these are the kind of folks you want looking after your pets in all situations. And they truly look after the humans in the pets’ lives too.

Anyway, at first Iggy was responding very well, but then a couple of days ago he stopped wanting to eat very much and became increasingly lethargic.  At first we thought it was just the side effects from having had four straight weeks of chemotherapy. But yesterday morning my dog looked at me so helplessly… and off we went to VOSRC.  They saw us right away and I knew from the looks on their faces it wasn’t good.

Ends up Iggy had contracted a urinary tract infection and with his chemo compromised immune system couldn’t fight the infection.  So they put him on a doggy I.V. to rehydrate him and give him antibiotics.  They also did an ultrasound.  We left him to be cared for overnight. No one knew yesterday how everything would play out, so I wanted to give him a change to turn the corner.

This morning shortly before 9:00 a.m. one of Dr. Jeglum’s vets, Dr. Lindner phoned.  Iggy’s prognosis was not good and he wasn’t improving.  So we made the difficult decision to come in to say good-bye.

Only the phone rang again.  Iggy passed before we could even get there to say good-bye.

I accept that it was his time, and like a couple of my friends said he and his brother were sent to me to get me through a difficult time in my life and knew I was ok so they could go.  But I still feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and someone played racquet ball with it.

Of course it doesn’t make it any easier that this week is the 5th anniversary of Iggy coming home to me from Main Line Animal Rescue.  Iggy had been a foster dog for a MLAR volunteer who came for a playdate with Mr. Peanut and never left.

Iggy and his brother gave me some very happy years with them and did indeed get me through some crazy stuff including abandonment and breast cancer. When I was going through seven weeks of radiation, he and his brother were happy little faces greeting me at the door every day when I came home.  They transitioned with me out to Chester County and my new life, and were loving being country dogs.

Iggy loved being in Chester County and being able to run in great big fields with other DSCN1857dogs.  He loved chasing the crazy fat squirrels in the back yard and conquering the “dog proof” trashcan.  He was a giant dog with a big heart in a little body.

Only today his little body just gave out.  I am devastated I wasn’t there when he passed, but I almost wonder if it didn’t happen that way because of losing Mr. Peanut such a short time ago.

In between the tears I keep waiting to hear the clickety clack of little feet on hardwood floors.

It was a privilege to have this dog in my life and I wish he had lived to a ripe old age instead of just 9.  Yes my heart is incredibly heavy.

I will leave you with this: Iggy is yet another reason why good animal rescue is so important.  He had been abused early in life (among other things) and he and I were both so lucky he came to Main Line Animal Rescue. He gave so much unconditional love to me as well as companionship. And if it wasn’t for Main Line Animal rescue we never would have met.

Good-bye my sweet boy.  I know you are with your brother now. Try not to bark at too many squirrels over the rainbow bridge. I love you little man and  I will miss you.