They don’t publicize this the way they should and this is a great show this year!
This show benefits their outreach at Malvern Retreat House.
10 AM – 7 PM Saturday, February 4, 2023 10 AM – 4 PM Sunday, February 5, 2023
315 S. Warren Ave Malvern, PA and there is ample free parking onsite. #art #freeevent
Seriously, this show is so terrific! And the price points are better than Yellow Springs Art Show which I love as well. And some of the same and comparable artists. Some of my favorites include New Hope Stained Glass and the fused stained glass artist whose name escapes me.
The Malvern Retreat House Annual Art Show has more than 2,000 fine art pieces including paintings, sculptures, photography, jewelry, and so much more.
“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
—Lao Tzu
In 2014 I started keeping a gratitude jar. I had read about it and it’s a simple concept: It’s a mason jar full of things you’re grateful for. There’s no hard or fast rule as to how often you put a little piece of paper in your jar, it’s just when you think about it.
It’s mindfulness I suppose.
What are you grateful for?
Thankful for?
Maybe changing your life for the better can indeed be as simple as starting with a deliberate change in outlook? Glass half empty? Are you sure? It might be half full on the way to overflowing. The gratitude jar is a private reminder to you.
Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. ~Henry Ward Beecher
The gratitude jar isn’t or shouldn’t be a prop so people can visit your home and say “Oh what a good person they are!”, it’s something for you. If you let it , what you write will teach you about yourself, others, your world. And it will help you to open up to the goodness that is possible. Learn how to cherish what is right there.
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
~Benjamin Franklin
Sometimes when a bunch of negative things happen all in a row, it’s hard to stay positive. I find it hard to stay positive because I do not think by my very nature I am naturally positive. I have to work at it. It may sound silly, but I think my gratitude jar has helped.
I really feel positive for me has been learned behavior, and it’s something I have to relearn and reaffirm again and again. Hopefully, someday it will be second nature to me.
I am sure that some are reading this post and wondering if I am the same person who ripped a politician a new one in another post today. Yes I am. Speaking my truth takes many forms.
Having a gratitude jar is a simple reminder that life is not all bad or all difficult. Having a gratitude jar helps you focus on the things that are wonderful in your life. Even every day little things are wonderful.
Having a gratitude jar helps us reaffirm the many positives in our life. Life can be hard. I am not trying to be Pollyanna and say everything is always wonderful with fuzzy caterpillars that turn into magical butterflies. I am more of a realist than that.
“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”
~ Thornton Wilder
Sometimes I look through what I put in my gratitude jar. My gratitude is pretty consistent.
Feeling grateful as a powerful emotion. Ours is a time where as hard as it is we also have to be grateful. Grateful that we are alive. Coronavirus and COVID-19 separated so many people from their friends and families the past few years. So have social issues and politics.
Life has been hard for so many the past few years. Often unnecessarily so. Sometimes human beings by their very nature make things more difficult than they have to be.
So now starts year 9 for my gratitude jar. I have all of my slips of paper. I am not re-reading everything and I am not emptying my jar like some people do.
Will 2023 be the year people try on a little more gratitude and mindfulness? Time will tell.
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free ‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, ‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gained, To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed, To turn, turn will be our delight, Till by turning, turning we come ’round right. ~ Joseph Brackett 1848
The world according to West Whiteland Stupidvisor Theresa HoganSantalucia , but is her truth anyone else’s?
Saint Theresa of West Whiteland. What can we say about her that is not true? She’s unpleasant, a bad bullying politician, petty, a wannabe tyrant and more, correct? She is incredibly angry and insecure, takes no ownership of her behavior, does she? She is a professional victim after she melts down every single time, isn’t she?
And oh yes, politician darling, I can indeed express my opinions on you.And ask questions.
We all remember her behavior at the reorg meeting in West Whiteland last January, yes? And that the truth with her is always stranger than fiction, correct? So before we get to the present and her relatively new Facebook page of revisionist history essentially insinuating she is the sole supervisor in West Whiteland, Bossette Tweed needs a dose of reality, truth, and recent history as it actually happened, not as she wishes it to be.
So every meeting or not even in meetings there are Theresaisms. Her clumsy, almost uncomfortable way of speaking. Her flipping out at residents and targeting whomever she feels is in her way, right?
Oh and the company she keeps. State Rep. Kristine Howard’s boys in particular are her BFFs and cheerleaders, correct? And Kristine Howard is a State Rep who only got reelected because her opposition was truly a nut bag, and now she wants to be a judge and does she even have courtroom experience? (But I digress.) Here lookee Lou at a recent T Bird post (which is PUBLIC note the globe):
In 2023 I am glad T Bird is suggesting reach across the “isle”, but I hope the islanders can swim, right? No you can’t make this stuff up, or her new page announcing her as West Whiteland Supervisor, like she’s the only freaking one, and how funny is that? Those sitting in Harrisburg and with aspirations in Harrisburg and who like to play at the power behind the throne, might wish to distance themselves, yes?
Now Madam doesn’t list her name or her bio. When she adds her bio I am sure Moses won’t have anything on her, right? And before I get to the next bit let’s seriously talk for a minute about what she has done while in office? Besides wreak havoc?
I’ll wait.
Does anything come to mind?
Yep, I can’t think of anything either and I know for a fact that residents prefer to go to Raj Kumbhardare or Brian Dunn. You see they are nice, they care, they listen. They are secure in who they are and are beloved by their friends and families. Guess she’s jealous, right? Sad, so sad. Pathetic, even.
So a brief segue to the recent 2023 reorganization meeting. I knew it seemed too civilized when compared to 2022. Nasty is as nasty does and please don’t jump ahead, I will get there.
To the public it looked like all were getting along up on the dais to begin 2023, right? Well let’s pull it apart. Theresa would not be elected chairwoman of the supervisors now, the jig is so very up, right? She undoubtedly in my opinion pushed for Brian Dunn to first of all punish Raj for essentially not being her boy toy. Sorry not sorry Theresa, grown men don’t gravitate towards your brand of leadership as it were. Besides supervisors generally rotate this position around within their board, and face it Raj was chairman through quite the difficult time, I am sure he doesn’t mind a break, does he? But why else Brian as chairman (and she was the one who nominated him)? Easy, she wants to set Brian up to fail in my humble opinion. She wants to say as she runs for reelection that only she can do the job. Blah blah blah.
So now I know you want to see what she is posting on her shiny new page that appears to only have one follower. She started the page November 18, 2022.
OK, OK you have been such good readers, so here are her first two and thus far only posts. And if they appear fuzzy on your screen, click on each screen shot individually or simply read the verbatim copied text:
Let’s talk December 2021. The week between Christmas 2021 and New Years 2022 I was summoned to a diner in Exton by the supervisor elect.
I found out that night that the supervisor elect and the chair of the supervisors had been colluding to fire the solicitor and replace him with a solicitor that had made campaign donations to both their campaigns. The solicitor they were planning to install had been turned down by the sitting supervisors in a 2-1 vote in January 2021 due to his heavy involvement in politics and heavy load of other townships. The solicitor that was in place had vowed to stay out of local politics to include donations to campaigns.
The discussion was started with, “ you are already outvoted,”. But out voted by who? The sitting Board of Supervisors didn’t have a vote or even a discussion.
Seems the chairperson and supervisor elect ( not sworn in) decided to fire the sitting Township Manager for reasons never explained.
The morning after the diner meeting the chairperson walked into the Township Building and fired the sitting Township Manager. She had a stellar reputation in Chester County, she was never written up or reprimanded in fact previous boards had given steady raises and bonuses to the Township Manager.
This all happened WITHOUT a vote by the sitting Board of Supervisors. This firing was illegal as was the replacement of the solicitor. The sitting BOS had installed a reputable honest solicitor and a supervisor elect and one member of the sitting board colluded to fire the Township Manager and solicitor for reasons still unclear.
AGAIN THERE WAS NO VOTE OF THE SITTING BOARD TO FIRE THE MANAGER OR THE SOLICITOR!
What I asked for. Given that the supervisor elect ( not sworn in) and the Chairman fired the Township Manager without the required 90 days notice. I asked the than finance director to pay the Township Manager the 90 days pay.
Yes I both phoned and texted the than Finance Director to give the money to the now former Township Manager. Since this needed a vote and the time was fading away I had to wait for the 2023 Board to be seated. The figure I asked for was 3 months pay, $41,250.
Because the time ticked away and now the board consisted of me and the chairperson there was no vote,
The former manager got a lawyer. And what we ended up giving her was.
Three months pay $41,250
Three weeks vacation time $10,312.50
Plus her medical benefits for three months including her HSA contribution
So instead of giving her the 3 months pay and being finished. West Whiteland had a no show employee for the first quarter of 2022. All due to two men throwing their weight around in an illegal firing of an employee.
Like
Share
~Theresa Hogan SantaLUcia from her west whiteland supervisor page december 6, 2022
Let’s talk Trash:
In 2017 the then Board of Supervisors ran a survey to get an idea of where West Whiteland Residents stood on the Pay As You Throw (PAYT) program. The residents voted in a majority to continue with the PAYT program.
In the most recent local election in 2021, a new Supervisor was elected and he does not like the PAYT program. He wrote up a PowerPoint where he proposed getting rid of the PAYT program in favor of a more traditional program. One of the conditions of his program was a rebate program based on age. I would have qualified for that program. For the record I am against any rebates based on age, all rebate systems should be needs-based.
As a compromise, we distributed another survey to see where the residents of West Whiteland stood on staying with PAYT or going to a billing system and using any trash bag they want to use and putting out as much as they want for no extra charge.
The alternative for PAYT would start at $130 a year, the cost of one bag per week. Giving a break to those that put out 2 or more bags a week and costing more for those that put out 1-2 bags per month. Most smaller households either senior citizens or younger residents without children put out 1 or 2 bags per month costing between $30-$60 a year. The proposed non-PAYT system would have been an increase of $70-$100 a year.
In the 2022 Survey, we had 2032 residents on the PAYT system finish the survey. Of the 2032 responses, we had 1926 (94%) put out 1-3 bags. In the comments, some of the residents checked they use less than 1 bag a week but there wasn’t an option to say they use ½ to ¼ bag per week. The respondents voted 55% to 44% to stay with PAYT. That is an 11 point lead.
To be clear the newest supervisor wanted the survey and then claimed in the October 26, 2022 meeting that his son didn’t know about the survey. He also claimed the survey wasn’t the way to decide how to choose our trash collection system. Again, he was the one that wanted a new survey called the 2017 survey a joke.
~ Theresa Hogan SantaLUcia from her west whiteland supervisor page november 25, 2022
Umm yeah. OK Theresa. (dying laughing over here. Let’s talk trash or talk about your incessant trash talking, right? )Don’t you just love, love, love revisionist history in politics on a Sunday morning? Blessed be.
There actually isn’t too much to say about her posts other than, Theresa, professional therapy is cheaper. I mean it’s already been established that Ms. Gleason, the former township manager of West Whiteland had her contract simply NOT renewed. Perfectly legal, happens all of the time. Sometimes, municipalities will give managers the opportunity to resign in lieu of a non renewal but it is not a written in stone thing, is it? And if they are given the opportunity to resign in lieu of non-renewal and don’t? And no I do not know what happened behind closed doors, but there are only so many ways this can go, right? And not renewing a completed contract is perfectly normal and it happens. Everywhere. Not just in West Whiteland.
And then there is the whole issue of what Theresa did which was hardly Kosher before the 2022 reorg meeting at the end of 2021, right? The whole ordering township employees to just write checks to the departing manager because she said so? It didn’t seem to matter then that she was even told by the former finance director who had also been a supervisor that this was not legal and not done, right?
But here she goes again with her revisionist history and version of truth, right? I mean is it safe to have someone obviously unhinged and delusional in public office? I mean yikes!
And let’s review: no votes, as in NO votes took place BEFORE the reorg meeting in 2022. That is the truth, and the beginning and end of it. At that same 2022 reorg meeting she not only threw then brand new supervisor Brian Dunn under the bus for essentially not going along with her, she also tried to besmirch the reputation of the new solicitor. She so doesn’t get how municipalities work and what is legal and not legal that West Whiteland should get back all the money they have shelled out so she could attend PSATs conferences, right? And Mimi Gleason is now a manager or interim manager in Lower Gwynedd in Montgomery County, maybe no matter what you think of her, the woman wants to get on with her life?
Of course I am amused to remember when Ms. Gleason retired from her job as township manager in Tredyffrin in 2012, declaring she had a life to live yadda yadda yadda and a “job is not a life” I have to wonder HOW she feels about Theresa right now…you know as she is trying to live her life now not after Tredyffrin, but West Whiteland? I mean you can almost feel for the woman because and old adage comes to mind — with friends like these, who needs enemies? Oy, Joey Adams, truer words were never spoken. Bossette Tweed, Saint Theresa of West Whiteland is such a liability politically and otherwise, right? If the Democrats were smart they would just formally censure her for behavior unbecoming of a public official and a Democrat.
So next let’s discuss Theresa’s Pyrrhic victory of 2022. Pyrrhic victory defined is:
Pyrrhic victory (plural Pyrrhic victories) A very costly victory, wherein the considerable losses outweigh the gain, so as to render the struggle not worth the cost.
Bossette Tweed carried on most of 2022. Her Pyrrhic victory of 2022 was the whole trash issue. Yawn. Supervisor Brian Dunn tried to offer alternatives to West Whiteland residents because at it’s simplest, SO MANY WEST WHITELAND RESIDENTS ASKED FOR AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE INEFFICIENT, RIDICULOUS TRASH BAG PLAN THAT SHE LOVES. That friends and readers, is called doing his job. She should try it sometime.
So next we go to how Bossette Tweed has her page set up for the public:
Oh yeah….that….Theresa Hogan Santalucia is an elected official. A politician. I guess she also doesn’t get that the plurality has rights. My blog has a Facebook page, and how many of us have our own personal Facebook pages? We can control our own pages because we are not politicians and elected officials. We can be as private or as public as we choose and can remove comments and block people if we so choose. Also we are all guests of social media platforms, so there is that aspect as well. Madam decided to be a politician and the rules for her are different. I will let the ACLU speak on the topic:
For generations, physical spaces – like public squares and town halls – have been critical forums for people to speak out on issues of public importance. But with the rise of social media, the avenues for members of the public to speak with their elected officials have expanded. Facebook comments and Twitter retweets are replacing the public meeting. In fact, the Supreme Court recently called these sites, “the modern public square,” where constituents can “petition their elected representatives and otherwise engage with them in a direct manner.”
If a public official uses their account to carry out their role as an elected official, then their page or account is subject to the First Amendment. That means they cannot engage in most forms of censorship such as blocking someone or deleting someone’s comments just because of their subject or opinion. It is also generally unacceptable for the official to ask the platform to delete comments for them.
How to determine if an official’s social media account is being used as an extension of their office:
The official identifies as a government official (e.g., includes their official title like @POTUS ) on the account.
The official posts announcements about their policies, responsibilities, or actions to communicate and interact with constituents and voters.
The official uses the account to seek or encourage comments about what legislation they should bring or support.
The official uses the account to call official meetings or declare orders within their authority.
The official encourages public discussion on their account or page.
The official allows users to ask for government services on their account.
The page lists or otherwise indicates the official’s title.
So don’t waste your breath telling her she is wrong to do this on her page other than to bring it up at a public meeting where in Public Comment you CAN challenge her on what she says and writes. That is your right as a resident of West Whiteland. I do not live in West Whiteland, so it is my right as a woman with a brain to say she is ridiculous and an embarrassment to the office she holds and to female politicians in general. She is no better than politicians like Marjorie Taylor Greene. She is a risk to the Democrats in Chester County and they should start distancing themselves now. West Whiteland Democrats and the Democrat Party of Chester County should truly consider censuring her. They ALL know her behavior is unhinged and a censure (sometimes referred to as condemnation or denouncement) does not remove her from office. However, it is a formal statement of disapproval. And necessary.
The removal of this politicians should come this election cycle. Republicans and Democrats alike in West Whiteland should unite in removing her. If they get their collective acts together they can oust her in the upcoming primary and put a stop to this by lame ducking her. For the sake of this township, this actually has to happen. Primary her ass.
As a politician, this woman also makes a mockery of local government. She wants to rule like old school back in the day Delco, only this is Chester County, and she forgets? Doesn’t care? Is that stupid?
Look West Whiteland, I am being completely transparent when I say I find this elected official’s behavior horrible. In my opinion they also lack humanity and sense of decency and that right and wrong is entirely subjective by her actions. But other than express my opinions, it is up to all of you as residents. And whether she is running or not, people should go every public meeting and at public comment speak up and speak out about this craziness and ongoing reign of terror and ask for her resignation. Maybe she won’t do it, but it is your collective right to ask.
Government is NOT supposed to be about politicians who don’t know how to do their job and what doing their job well and fairly actually entails. This is an elected official who doesn’t seem to like anyone or anything so why is she in office? Is her version of change and good government constantly projecting ugliness? Why does everyone on God’s green earth have to be continually punished because she is unhappy?
I am not an elected official, and I have no desire to be. But there are plenty of local officials who do a really good job, and there are others out there who wish to. Life is too short for ugliness, West Whiteland. Voters need to primary her this spring. And if you all do and she next plays West Vincent politics by running as a fake Republican or Independent, vote her down in the fall. Get her gone. I can’t speak for her abilities as a nurse, but I can offer my opinions on her as a politician and elected official.
Thank you for allowing an intrusion on a Sunday. I am sure this politician’s brain will explode when she reads this post, and undoubtedly she will say I am secretly running West Whiteland or something else ridiculous like she is living rent free in my head. And if you see her at a Starbucks, make sure to snap her photo.
At Christmas I had a Christmas calamity. I had this beautiful number 3 crock that I use as a planter. I had bought it from the Smithfield Barn a few years ago. It always lived inside the garage against the wall in the winter.
Right before Christmas, when my stepson was pulling one of the cars into the garage, he accidentally smashed it with his tire. I was pretty upset. I love my old crocks.
So I contacted my friends who are in the business of old things that I buy things from and said to let me know if you see an old number 3 crock I’ve had a calamity.
Today I got a text message from one of the folks at Sales by Helen. They were telling me my package was going to be dropped off soon. So I texted back because I hadn’t bought anything. And they said no you’re being gifted something. So then I wondered who was still spreading Christmas cheer right up to the end of Christmas season – well it is not Epiphany quite yet.
Well, it’s John Romani, who owns Sales by Helen.
A perfect old number 3 crock with a note:
I am totally in awe of the gesture of kindness. This is a small business owner in a very uncertain economy and this is why I support local small businesses. No, not for free stuff because they will tell you I am not a free stuff blogger.
This is quintessential of local small businesses. They know their customers, and they remember what their customers are looking for. They are our neighbors and friends as well.
Sales By Helen is a business I have supported since I first went to a Helen sale and met John’s mom Helen, years ago. I have all the things that I bought over the years still today. Not only do they do house sales and estate sales, but they also have online shopping available. And there is complementary delivery within a certain area and shipping.
A random act of kindness on a cloudy day. Thanks John and Company ❤️
One of my favorite magazines is Country Living. When I have time, I read it as soon as it hits my mailbox, cover to cover.
But it has been a busy few months, and the magazines ended up in a neat pile next to my reading chair in my bedroom on the footstool. Until today when I decided to dig into my overdue periodical reading pile.
Well guess what business and who are right there inside the September, 2022 issue of Country Living magazine? One of my favorite Chester County businesses and owner. Yup, Malvern’s own Life’s Patina and the creative dynamo behind everything , Meg Veno.
You know how much I love Life’s Patina because pretty much every time she has an event, you can find me there shopping and taking photos! And my husband gets me Life’s Patina gift certificates for Christmas.
Part of the reason I love Life’s Patina is it’s simply put, beautiful. Every time I visit. But it is also because of Meg and her team. They are seriously the nicest. And Meg is just positive and kind. In the chaos of today’s world, this makes a huge difference. Also? They make everything look so effortless and magical. You can’t help but get a good feeling every time she opens her barn!
Also worth mentioning is how lucky is Historic Yellow Springs Village and West Pikeland Township that Meg Veno and Life’s Patina are sprinkling their magic on the Jenny Lind house? They have stripped her back to the beginning and done an incredibly painstaking renovation that is almost there. I feel that her renovation,when finally completed, will bring new life and renewed energy to Historic Yellow Springs Village which it needs.
I mean seriously, how lucky is West Pikeland Township to have both Jeff Devlin and Meg Veno taking an interest and putting businesses that celebrate Chester County and her history right there in this small Chester County municipality? So lucky! Adaptive reuse of the best kind totally loaded with heart and talent and effort!
And the funny thing is I was one of the first people who suggested Jenny Lind to Meg when she was saying she wanted a new challenge.
I have however almost regretted suggesting Jenny Lind and Yellow Springs to her at times because of the duration of the renovation, the obstacles and challenges of truly restoring the Jenny Lind. However, the renovation has survived COVID and all that this time in the world and supply chain issues that every renovation everywhere has suffered. When the Merchantile & Cafe opens it will be truly amazing!
So to say I was thrilled when I saw one of my favorite magazines featuring one of my favorite businesses and business owners was an understatement…even if I am a few months late.
So Meg & Company, I am so terribly sorry I didn’t open my magazine sooner! So well done and deserved. Lots of places are inspired by what Meg creates at Life’s Patina. Make sure you check out one of their sales when you can!
About two years ago my friend David randomly (and finally) gave me his grandmother’s poundcake recipe. I hadn’t made it yet until today, and finally did so as I was thinking about him this morning.
We lost David this year to a tragic, and senseless accident caused by a stranger. He was literally hit by a car as a pedestrian. It was a particularly hard lost process, because this was one of my oldest friends. He was also just a tremendous human being, and one of those genuinely good people you feel very fortunate to have known.
I always think of David around Christmas, because we used to go for decades with our parents to the same Christmas party on Christmas Eve. We would congregate in the host’s library away from all the adults and hang out.
We also went to JDA and SDA together, AKA Junior and Senior Dancing Assemblies for those of you Who did not grow up in the Main Line area. I always wondered if they ever found the remains of old stale pretzels we shoved down the heating grates at Merion Tribute House in the lobby. We shared many laughs there as Mrs. Farber in her gold lamé evening gowns, and her aqua net shellacked hair tried to civilize all of us. Mostly for all of us, it was like a bloodsport, trying to make her blow her stack at every dance we went to.
We always stayed friends, losing a connection for a year or two here or there as we grew up and lives took us to different states and locations per-Internet/social media. But as friends, we always found our way back to each other. When social media came around, it made it much easier to stay connected and we would talk or message more often. And then there was the one time he finally sent me his grandmother’s pound cake recipe. She made it with currants and walnuts, which makes it in my mind a perfect Christmas cake.
I did not have any currants left after baking, so I substituted this raisin mix I get from Nuts.com. I also did add 1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder, and 1 teaspoon of baking soda. It’s a straightforward recipe and it is not super sweet which I kind of like because Christmas cookies are so sugary.
I will admit, I was laughing when I was making the pound cake because it is a little bit labor-intensive given the nature of the batter. And I was laughing, because as I am creaming the butter, I’m getting stuff everywhere as I’m adding the sugar, then the eggs, and so on, and so forth. And my friend David was one of the neatest people I ever met, so I really was laughing.
I think in the end, it did not take quite two hours to bake this cake at 325°, but it did take probably an hour and a half and a few minutes.
It’s a wonderfully old-school buttery pound cake. For me, the 2 cups of eggs amounted to 9 raw eggs. Yes, you break them into a measuring cup.
Anyway, I don’t know if I will be posting more before Christmas or not. It’s been a weird year, and I hope you all enjoy your Christmas holiday with your loved ones and friends and family.
We also have our first fire in the woodstove tonight, and it is the perfect evening for it!
Ebenezer Scrooge. One of the most remembered characters in literature. Created by Charles Dickens in the 19th century for A Christmas Carol.
A Christmas Carol was published December 19, 1843. 179 years ago this year. And the characters are still relevant today…179 years later.
The most recognizable and remembered of the characters is Scrooge. Also his clerk, Bob Cratchit. In his time Bob was the symbol in Victorian England of the overworked, essentially abused working class person. Long hours, low pay. The irony of course? This also sounds like today, doesn’t it?
In a Christmas Carol the Ghost of Christmas Present debunks Ebenezer Scrooge’s “un Christian” beliefs on religion and the “sabbath” in the context of business. This ghost also talks about how many people who claim a religious justification for their actions, yet in reality live literally not getting or caring about the true meaning of Christianity. Sort of a do as I say, not as I do thing and utter hypocrisy. Now today, we experience that hypocrisy of true Christians every day. You know like Stepford Wives for Totalitarianism and their ilk?
In any event this ghost thinks man should judge morality by the deed, not by how a man doing describes/labels his actions. Under the robe of the Ghost of Christmas Present are two ragged spirit figures. They are supposed to be like starving children.
The identities of the sprit figures are “Ignorance and Want.” I have never been sure that was other than the proverbial metaphorically speaking of it all: this ghost cares for these children because society, or man, should care for ignorance and want always, and not just talk about it. For the good of mankind.
There are some on this earth of yours… who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all our kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us….they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. The boy is Ignorance. The girl is Want. Beware of them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.
~ghost of christmas present in a christmas carol
I started thinking about the metaphors in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol again a few years ago, when I read this article in The Guardian, a U.K. paper. I was able to find it again:
A Christmas Carol is actually life lessons wrapped in a Victorian Christmas story. Allow me to liberally quote an article by a professor at Indiana University named Richard Gunderman in a publication called The Conversation:
…The story begins on Christmas Eve. The “grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner” Ebenezer Scrooge is toiling in his office, where he turns away two fundraisers seeking to provide for the poor, rudely rebuffs his nephew Fred’s invitation to Christmas dinner and berates his underpaid clerk, Bob Cratchit, for expecting to get Christmas Day off with pay.
At home that night, Scrooge is visited by the ghost of his partner Jacob Marley, who “died seven years ago, this very night.” Now wandering the earth dragging heavy chains forged by his own avarice, Marley warns Scrooge that he will meet the same fate if he does not listen to the three spirits who will visit him during the night.
The first of the spirits, the Ghost of Christmas Past, takes Scrooge to scenes from his earlier life, where he is reminded that he was once a kinder and gentler person….
he reexperiences what it is like to be lonely at the holidays until he is rescued by his sister. He then visits the holiday party of his employer, Mr Fezziwig, who despite modest means embodies the spirit of celebration.
He then sees his younger self with his fiancée Belle, to whom he intended to devote the rest of his life, until he was gradually overmastered by the love of money. Belle eventually breaks their engagement and marries another man, whose large and happy family Christmas the ghost takes Scrooge to witness.
The Ghost of Christmas Present whisks Scrooge to celebrations of Christmas in different settings throughout the land. They then travel to the home of Fred, who valiantly defends his uncle against criticism, choosing to pity rather than condemn him. Then Scrooge finds himself at the modest holiday feast of the Cratchit family, where he meets Tiny Tim, their ailing youngest child, and learns that unless the course of events changes, this will be the boy’s last Christmas. Finally, the ghost shows Scrooge two starving children, Ignorance and Want…The ghost of Christmas Yet to Come transports Scrooge to the holiday one year later, where he witnesses the reactions of various people to the recent death of a “wretched man.” A businessman states that he will attend the funeral only if a lunch is provided, and various people sell stolen items from the dead man’s estate to a fence. The only people who feel any emotion at his passing are debtors who now have more time to repay their loans. After returning to the Cratchit home, where Scrooge sees the family mourning the passing of Tiny Tim, he is taken to a neglected grave, where to his horror, he sees the name Ebenezer Scrooge.
Dickens was always about teaching us lessons. Read any article about A Christmas Carol especially, and you will see that it is a cautionary tale wrapped in a tale of redemption. Dickens refers to the lessons of the present to see the effects on the present and into the future. He also makes us think about how the past influences it all.
That should give you chills, because this is so very true today. And it’s that old thing about ignoring the past means we are doomed to repeat terrible things. That is why some history, although unpleasant, should not be made to disappear. Look what the dumbing down of America has currently given us. If we don’t persist in being and doing better, where will we all end up?
I have felt this way since before the onset of our COVID-19 world view existence. But COVID and the Trump years and Trump mentality have definitely thrown us into a post Victorian world that once again shows the vast chasms of life between the haves and the have nots.
We live in a world full of exceedingly selfish and mean people a lot of the time. That is not being a Debbie Downer, as anyone in corporate America and they will tell you it’s a harsh and true reality.
Take this time of the year, for example. It’s the time of year when employees receive year end bonuses. Only that is at the discretion, more like whim, of corporate overlords. I have remarked before about the year of the canned Polish Ham or a box of chocolates that then Prudential Securities offered hard working sales assistants, other support staff, and operations personnel in the early to mid 80s while the stock brokers all got fat, monetary bonuses. I know it happened, because I was literally there. Essentially all of the people who slaved to make brokers look good, got the short end of the stick. If you were lucky a broker gave you a monetary bonus, but it was not a requirement.
Total Scrooge moments, indeed back then.
Then there was always working in an office where the proverbial office pets got bonuses, and the rest? Nothing. It didn’t matter how hard you worked, you were just forgotten. You got to watch as others received bonuses, as you were deliberately overlooked. Yet another Scrooge moment, but then you figure Karma is a bitch and everything that goes around will come around eventually. The universe is funny and true that way. Oh wait, another Dickens lesson, correct?
And then there were the generous and kind bosses. I had a few of those over the years. They remembered Christmas and the actual spirit of the season. If not with a monetary bonus, then a nice gift. I wonder, do those bosses still really and truly exist?
But there will always be the bosses who will Bob Cratchit as many as possible, whenever possible. For them, it is always how much money they can make, and everyone else is well, kind of expendable. I do believe those people will indeed have a reckoning. We may never see it, but it will happen. These are a lot of the people who end up terribly alone…wait for it….like Ebenezer Scrooge.
The holidays are supposed to be pleasant, and while business might always be business, it seems like today more than ever you hear these tales of being Scrooged. And here we are supposed to be living in a world and a time where worker bees are supposed to be respected and have rights, but do they?
We will always live in a world where the next guy might have a lot more, or a lot less. But it’s all about how do we deal with this in our world, isn’t it? It’s also about being kind once in a while.
My critics like to tell me I am not kind. That I am mean. But am I really, or is it just about speaking my truth? That’s for them to figure out, incidentally. I know who I am, and my self-worth.
Now I know speaking my truth comes with a cost. My cost is corporate America. I am like a whistleblower after a fashion, so they will shun me until I am of retirement age. So it is a good thing I am content as being self-employed, a variation on a gig worker. I use my talents for various gigs of varying durations. I am not and will never be wealthy, but it has become enough. That probably makes some uncomfortable because I should want more. But what will more get me precisely?
When more becomes too much, and more of too much becomes the focus you get the Scrooges. Self focused, bullying, miserly, cold. No spirit of generosity. Lacking in actual joy about anything.
So sure, would it be nice to have more? Yes, because having a little more makes paying the bills easier. But our society has become one where we live seemingly only to work, and there is no balance. And those who crave balance, are often punished for that. If you think about it, we seemingly live in a world at times which punishes us for being happy or even wanting to be happy.
We all deserve to be happy, don’t we? So maybe we have to hit the pause button and reflect? We all struggle at times, right? So why can’t we reflect and be human and move forward?
Life is short. Re-read A Christmas Carol and learn from it. Hopefully it is not on a banned or book burning list somewhere. Life and Dickens, still true today.
You know how when you are watching a Christmas movies on TV they have the most picture perfect small (and snowy) towns with all sorts of decorations. And of course the Christmas parties are picture perfect and decorated to the nines with magazine photo worthy canapés.
Real life is a little bit different. We’ll start with how often do we get picturesque snowy Christmases do we have? And the holidays can be messy and not picture perfect although we love our Christmases. Or I do, you might not.
Recently friends of mine from high school pointed out the social media of someone we all once knew. The person is somewhat crackers now, and that’s being kind and perhaps it is a little sad, except I have run out of Christian charity with this one. She is currently posting photos from who knows where of houses she doesn’t live in, people she doesn’t know. But that is not so unusual for social media is it? Fantasy and smoke and mirrors.
My husband always says of me at Christmas that I stress myself out. Maybe I do sometimes, but it is only because I want to spread the magic of the season. I love Christmas and Christmas decorations and the memories they evoke.
This year I decided not to send as many Christmas cards. Why? Because of USPS. Recently I had a gathering for some of my female friends. Mostly high school. I mailed the invitations the first or second weekend in November. We realized that easily HALF of the invitations never reached people! A friend in Bryn Mawr literally did not get an invitation when another friend on the SAME street did! So I will send cards to those I received them from plus a few far away and hold my breath and hope for the best.
We always want that perfect Christmas. Even as a kid I remember that. But some years, that doesn’t happen.
One year, my father picked a tree with what only could be described as crooked. As in the trunk was totally crooked that my father had to lean it against the wall to get it to stand. Our house in Philadelphia had 14 foot ceilings on the first floor.
Then there was the year that kitty our cat got into her catnip stocking early, as in the WHOLE catnip stocking. There weren’t just zoomies, she drunkenly rocked the top of the Christmas tree baaaack and forth while we all prayed she didn’t bring the whole tree tumbling down.
Then there were the Christmases that kids probably loved more than adults. Like one Christmas when I was really little, and it snowed and snowed and snowed, and that is when we were still living in Society Hill, and the streets were quiet because they were so filled with snow, and there were no snow plows. I remember they stopped running at the trolley used to run down the middle of our street and I remember my mother pulling me in a sled along the track with me all bundled up in my little snowsuit, and then I tumbled into the snow and she didn’t realize it first. I was none the worse for the wear, but I think my mother startled the bejesus out of herself.
One of my favorite Christmas memories I have probably mentioned before. When I was really little, my father had a red VW bug with white interior. We would drive down to some railyard in Philadelphia to get a Christmas tree as they came off of the freight trains. It isn’t just the fact that my husband loves VW bugs that as an adult I have VW bug ornaments with Christmas trees strapped to the top. We did that, and then drove through snowy streets to bring the tree home.
Other Christmas memories include going to 9th Street, a.k.a. the Italian market. We would go to DiBruno‘s for cheeses and olives and pepperoncini and more. Then across the street and over to Cappuccio’s for a Christmas roast. Sometimes we stopped at Termini’s bakery, and the spice ladies. Now, with the spice ladies, you had to know how much you spent before you got to them because there wasn’t a cash register they just wrote everything up and if you weren’t paying attention, they would pad your order total by a dollar or two.
When we were little, we went to Saint Peter’s school at 4th and Pine. St. Peter’s always had this wonderful Christmas book fair. At the book fair every year I would get a Marguerite De Angeli, and she would autograph it. She was a famous children’s author and she did the most exquisite illustrations. She was actually quite famous back then, but she was a friend of the mother of the headmistress so she would always come to our book fair. She lived in Philadelphia and died in 1987 at 98 years old. I still have her books. Seeing her for many Christmases and getting a book signed by her is still one of my most favorite and precious Christmas memories. I still encourage people to pick up her books used for their children today. They are the most wonderful stories
St. Peter’s also did this whole Christmas procession thing where we all had these white gowns and we went with candles from the school into the church and they were Christmas carols and what not.
Other things I remember from childhood in Society Hill was going a lot of Christmas seasons to Gloria Dei, Old Swedes’ Church. There we would watch Lucia Fest. Sankta Lucia. At Gloria Dei Church the celebration is held within the walls constructed by Swedish settlers in 1699-1700, in the beauty of candlelight, with a large entourage of young girls joining her in song and procession. For many people, participation in the Lucia Fest is a unique way of marking the beginning of the holiday season.
When I got older and we moved to the Main Line, I have all sorts of memories and some of my favorites are the sound of sleigh bells. When we first moved to the Main Line, we lived across the street from Mr. Gwinn. He not only had magnificent carriages, but spectacular old fashioned sleighs as well. I remember one time when he took my mother and another neighborhood lady on a sleigh ride. Now you have to understand my mother doesn’t like horses and is not comfortable around them. He would leave them with the carriage and the horses while he would dash into someone’s house along the way for a nip of something festive and then come back out.
I seem to remember more snow at Christmas time when we were growing up then we have today. And at that point in time when I was younger and in high school the Main Line was so different. Larger properties, sweeping gardens, and people went all out for Christmas. They also did their own decorating.
I remember being a young teenager on the Main Line before we all drove walking everywhere. Or taking the train. my friend Anna and I would walk into the center of Bryn Mawr and go Christmas shopping at Katydid in Bryn Mawr. Next door to Katydid was an awesome book shop, and down a little flight of steps at a basement level was Mr. Fish’s jewelry shop. And of course, Parvin’s Pharmacy. Going further up Lancaster Ave., Susan Vitale had a wonderful antique store, there was a toy store, and I also remember fondly Eskil’s Clog Shop and The Country Cousin.
And you can’t forget when talking about Bryn Mawr all the hours spent in the Owl Bookshop in Bryn Mawr. I still think it’s a mistake that Bryn Mawr College took that away years ago. It was the most wonderful old bookshop they had new that were gently used newer books, vintage books, antique books, collectors’ books. It was musty and smells like an old library and it was wonderful. I still have almost every book I found there from the time I was a teenager. They would also have a box of orphaned books that they would put out for riders of the train inside the Bryn Mawr train station.It was musty and smells like an old library and it was wonderful. I still have almost every book I found there from the time I was a teenager. They would also have a box of orphaned books that they would put out for riders of the train inside the Bryn Mawr train station.
In Haverford, tucked into one of the train station buildings was Arnold Brown’s Cheese Wheel. Down in Ardmore you had Suburban Square before it was “improved“ and the original Strawbridge & Clothier. And there was still a movie theatre. Main Street AKA Lancaster Avenue in Ardmore also had lots of wonderful shops and there was a FW Woolworths with a lunch counter. They sold great Christmas ornaments there when we were kids, the old school Shiny Brite and other kinds of ornaments. And there was also the Army Navy store and Harrison‘s department store across the street, which also had a branch in Wayne. Harrison’s is where we would often buy our Levi’s, or Levi’s corduroys and the wide wale super preppy corduroys in annoying bright colors.
I remember the shops and everything at Christmas as a kid we’re very festive. This is why I so appreciate places like Smithfield barn, Brandywine View Antiques, Life’s Patina, Burkholder‘s in Malvern, Frazer Antiques, and even Surrey Consignment Shop in Berwyn. All of these places decorate for Christmas as well as having a great selection of things that you can buy as Christmas gifts. It reminds me of how the shops I remember as a kid would get decked out for the holidays.
When we were in high school, our mothers all worked on what were then called the Shipley Christmas Shops. Back then we had multiple religions and ethnicities volunteering, and everyone was OK with calling them the Christmas Shops.
My mother and plenty of my friends’ mothers volunteered for this event. As a matter of fact, I remember the year it was held in an old mansion off of Bryn Mawr Avenue. That was the year they had these fabulous woolens and they were these Christmas plaid tartans and stuff that were magical. I still remember it and this was circa 1979 or 1980.
People don’t remember that this event used to be held offsite. When it was able to come onsite at Shipley and into the Yarnall gym it wasn’t bad for years. What changed were the parents volunteering because they just weren’t as friendly as they used to be. That’s why I stopped going. I used to love to go to this every year, and then there was just this one year that the parental volunteers even at the sign in table were cold. Unfriendly. They weren’t even particularly warm to the older alumnae who came. Oh and they had a Lu La Roe booth. I mean come on. And then, of course, there was the year not so long ago were the woman helping a local business on their booth actually stole from other vendors. (Yes, really.)
And that’s what really changed. It was the attitude of the volunteers and what they were willing to do and really they just wanted the credit to say they did it, and they didn’t put as much effort into it. And they certainly weren’t hunting down great businesses, or even using alumni/alumnae businesses.
Yes, there are a lot of online retailers but guess what? People love these shopping events and I actually think what changed were those volunteering and the attitudes of the purported volunteers who were supposed to be running the event. They didn’t want to do the work. It’s sad, but not just here.
This is something you see across the board with volunteer committees in the region. People don’t want to put the effort into these things anymore. The parties, fundraisers, and these shopping events don’t plan themselves. This is why you are seeing the literal demise of non-profit events, but the demise of volunteerism and committees. Women used to join these committees because it was the right thing to do and it was good to give back. What that evolved into in my humble opinion is how much they could get out of it personally and that was never the point.
So this year, after doing the event since 1960, Shipley cancelled the event. They can’t get enough volunteers apparently which is really sad. Someone said to me about how all these women work and I just kind of looked at them because women have always worked, and volunteered.
Something else volunteer related I always loved was the Christmas Bazaar at The Church of the Redeemer in Bryn Mawr. I am guessing they still do it in some form, but I have to tell you it was amazing!
Upstairs in the church hall and where the offices and kitchen were was the silent auction. You could also buy lunch and sit at a table in the church hall which was all decked out in Christmas decorations and greenery it was fabulous!
Downstairs was the white elephant room where you could find all sorts of things including then fabulous vintage Christmas ornaments. Down the hall from the white elephant was the churches thrift shop which was a treasure trove of items. It was one of my favorite places to find vintage pocketbooks. Then there was a room for toys and then there were a couple of big rooms for books. I always bought way too many books, and still have a lot of them decades later.
A lot of these Christmas bazaars and shops and shopping events my friends and I went to for years and years. They kind of set the tone for Christmas. We also would start hunting Christmas in the fall at the St. David’s Fair. We all still attend the St. David’s Fair and one of my dearest friends pours her heart and soul into this event every year. As a matter of fact, the St. David’s Fair is an event that has aged well which is entirely due to the volunteers.
But Christmas is not just about the decorations and preparations, it’s about a state of mind that is sometimes difficult to achieve some days. There is an emotional component that can be hard.
Christmas is a joyous season, but it is also a bittersweet season. People who have experienced great loss can find Christmas a heavy load. They have their memories with departed loved ones. Others have memories with them and those who are no longer with us. How does one balance it? Do you keep some of the old while incorporating new? Or do you do everything everyone else expects at the expense of yourself?
I find myself thinking of my father and brother in law who passed away this time of year. Both loved Christmas. This was the first time since 2005 which is when my father died, that I didn’t cry when I got to the ornament boxes that still have his handwriting on it. I smiled. It made me happy, like I was saying hello again to ornaments I grew up with. Like the little rabbit ornament that was on my parents’ first tree. I smiled again as I was planning Christmas cookies yet to be baked. I thought of my late brother in law. I can still hear him coming into his house arms full of Christmas packages and referring to my niece as “cake.” We all miss him. He was a tremendous human being, and had the uncanny gift of being able to see people. He was very kind, and he also loved Christmas.
Life is messy, but I suppose it’s what you make out of the mess when all is said and done. We all want these picture perfect holidays, much like all of the Christmas and holiday movies on Lifetime, CBS, Hallmark, Netflix, etc. O.K. if you find those families, please let me know. Life can be significantly less fun at times, and issues (especially around the holidays) take longer to work out.
This has been a hard year for so many people. Economy, life in general, family…or just emotional. The people posting perfect everything without a hint of reality? I am guessing that is what gets them through the day. I have never been a good fake it until you make it, or don’t kind of person. I am just me.
This is not necessarily my easiest Christmas. I have found myself wavering between “Yay, it’s Christmas!” and “Yeah, whatever.”
It has been a long year. For everyone. But there have been plenty of spots of joy and laughter. And there are so many out there who are in truly bad situations. We all need to be grateful for what we do have, not concentrate on envy of what we don’t have.
Face it they all have been long years since the end of 2019 when everything in our worlds’ changed thanks to COVID19. And then of course, it has all gotten longer thanks to insane politics and extremist groups who wish to limit our basic rights and freedoms in this country.
So I am going to take a breath and try to soak up the season, and remember why we celebrate it. Have faith. Things will get better.
I have been going to write this post for a few days. Every time I sat down to begin it, life got in the way, so I decided I just need to start it today.
Why the title of the post? I was going through old photos and it just sort of hit me is that was the title. The photos I was going through were of parties and black-tie fundraisers from many, many years ago.
One of the things I loved best about a lot of those parties were the dresses we had back then. So we’re talking the 80s through mid 90s. And especially in the late 80s, the dresses were pretty. That was one of my favorite era for black tie dresses and gowns. I am not talking the Dynasty-esque dresses, there were just a lot of pretty, well made dresses.
How fancy you dressed back then, was dictated by the event itself. And the events themselves were kind of special. You couldn’t just buy a ticket and subscribe necessarily, you need to receive an invitation to do that. ticket prices for the event but they weren’t exorbitant. Of course back then sometimes they felt exorbitant because a lot of us were just starting out working full-time after college, etc.
Back, then black tie was predominantly floor length as far as the dresses went. Sometimes tea length, it just depended on the dress. White tie was something else again. Perhaps one of my favorite gowns was this crazy beautiful iridescent silk taffeta Victor Costa gown. My mother bought it for me at Nan Duskin in Philadelphia.
There were a lot of stores as in department stores and boutiques to choose from. And they always had a selection of ladies black tie attire. And the dresses were pretty, the fabrics had body to them.
And most importantly, at least for me as compared to the majority of the dresses you see today in photos, Hoochie Mama wasn’t hollering for her dress back. Sure there was tons of strapless, but the dresses left a little to the imagination and they weren’t sliced all the way down the chest bone or all the way up to the pelvic bone, it seemed.
Also back then? Plastic surgery was reserved for something your mother’s friends did, sometimes badly. Today it feels like no one can age gracefully (or otherwise) and plastic surgery and procedures seem to be starting rather young.
The parties, especially at Christmas, were so much fun. The Charity Ball is in the Philadelphia Charity Ball, at that point was December 23. but before that starting in November, there were all sorts of events and Christmas parties. Around Thanksgiving was Pilgrimage on the Parkway.
I remember a few parties that were even held at 30th St., Station. One Christmas party I remember in particular because I had this dress back then that I loved and this party was not formal, it was semi formal. Semi-formal meant short dresses and men wore coat and tie. I had found this dress at John Wanamaker’s when it was still, John Wanamaker’s. The dress was a wonderful red with blue undertones as opposed to orange. It had a halter neck and a regular zip up back but it was the 80s, so the halter collar part was pearls. Not big, huge, Barbara Bush sized pearls, they were regular sized, but that was the entire color. The dress was to the knee.
Back then half of what we wore as far as evening shoes were simple, black peau de soie pumps. The heels were an average height, they weren’t sky high, and the heels weren’t chunky. And if you didn’t have those you had velvet pumps of a similar style. Essentially classic and elegant.
Sometimes we had our hair done in an updo, but not all the time. I have pretty thick hair and I remember one party that I went to in Alexandria Old Town, Virginia. I ended up taking out the up do before the party because the woman had teased my hair into a southern up do and it looked like I was related to Imelda Marcos. I still remember that moment because it was really funny.
And at that time, I had a lot of friends in the Washington DC area. People who had migrated there for work after college and more. And back then when you went to Washington for one of those black ties or Christmas parties, you had to bring your A game. those women in DC knew how to dress. And the dresses were gorgeous down there. So were the parties.
This one group of girls I remember used to do this great holiday fundraiser and it was black-tie edit benefited Toys for Tots. I want to say for a while it was held I think back then at the Ritz Carlton in Washington DC. I remember it was always held on a lower level of the hotel and wherever it was held there were these antique dioramas built into the wall on that level they were kind of fascinating to look at.
And at one of those Washington DC Christmas parties one year, we all met Walter Cronkite. He was in town for something , but retired at that point. I remember how tall he seemed. He had come into DC from Annapolis. He was so nice. He actually did stop to speak to all of us. And his voice in person was just as great as it was on TV. He had been at something at the hotel and literally just stuck his head into the party we were at to check it out. I remember he had such a nice face in person and his eyes sparkled.
This was of course before the age of social media. So there weren’t many photos. Just memories. Like memories of the parental units going to black tie Christmas parties. Or the Christmas parties we went to as a family. All dressed up, white tights, mary janes, and matching dresses until we revolted finally. Oh and don’t forget the matching Christmas nightgowns!
And all of these parties had great food and beverages served using actual china and glassware, and no plastic utensils.
I remember neighborhood parties. I remember one where every year one neighborhood man would wear his Christmas plaid pants. And sometimes a Christmas vest. The pants were what my one grandmother would have called “high water” pants, or they were a little too short. He would greet everyone at every party with a big grin and say “Howdy, neighbor!” (No it wasn’t Texas, it was the Main Line.)
Back then there were quite a few neighborhood parties. As a general society, we weren’t so transient. People moved into areas and stayed, they didn’t move into areas and then flip for the next bigger house. People actually sang Christmas carols, and knew their neighbors. Even if I didn’t want to be all dressed up and looking exactly like my sister, the parties were pretty fun and festive.
Then there were the caroling parties every year with my cousin Suzy. Suzy lived in Newtown, Bucks County. None of us could sing, but we would still gather at Suzy‘s house. There was a little Christmas party, then we would go around Christmas caroling for a while, laugh like hell, and go back to Suzy’s l house. Suzy was also one of the first people I went hunting vintage Christmas ornaments with. Often that meant getting up at o’dark early to hit the flea markets outside of New Hope.
Then there were the family Christmas parties with my mother’s German friends, Susi and Babette. Those parties were spectacular like out of a movie set, but they weren’t artificial. They were natural and gorgeous and very German. The ornaments on the trees, fresh greens, candle light. We always loved going to their houses. And the fun thing about their parties were the people were so interesting and fun. When I entertain today, I still like to channel them. No pigs in a blanket at their houses, which was always fine because that to this day is an hors d’oeuvre, I don’t understand nor like.
In the 90s I remember being invited to this spectacular Christmas party. It was on Fishers Road in Bryn Mawr. A beautiful little house on a shared driveway. I’m not even sure if the house still exists because so many places have been knocked down for bigger houses to be built.
Anyway, the guy that owned the house had something to do with IKEA and he and his partner lived in it. He did this totally glorious European/Scandinavian Christmas party. The decorations were beautiful. Unbelievable trees and greens and decorations. The house was just decked. Candlelight. There were also so many different kinds of fish. Beautiful oysters on the half shell and shrimp and crab and I don’t even know what else. A true smörgåsbord. Ham, beef, cheeses, fruit. The house was like a jewel box. I think the reason I liked that party so much it was like another version of what my mother’s friends Susi and Babette would do.
These parties I remember were all pretty. The houses festive and beautiful. The decorating done by the homeowners, not a Christmas decorating service. Everyone was a little Martha Stewart on the Christmas bus back then. And it wasn’t party trays from the grocery store, these were planned out menus that the hostess did, and for the most part prepared herself. Yes, these kinds of parties are a lot of work, but they are worth it and your guests appreciate it.
As I mentioned, there were the annual Christmas parties you attended with your family. One party we went to we attended for decades. We watched the changes from the first wife to the second wife. With the first wife, sometimes they would all be there to greet you at the door. The wife and daughters in quasi matching dresses of icy perfection. With the second wife, it was all warmer and more genuine. And every year the Christmas tree was different. The most amusing thing about this party is every year the core crowd was the same. It was a party where I knew every year like clockwork that I would see certain friends. It was never the most exciting party, but it was beautiful and nice.
Then you grow up and everything is different again. And what is so funny is how things change now that we are the age of our parents taking all of us to Christmas parties or fussing about our gowns for The Charity Ball.
Me personally? On one hand, I loved all the fun black tie holiday parties and the annual Christmas parties we went to. But then on the other hand, I love our own Christmas traditions in a completely different time.
Now it’s us. Pre-COVID, we did a few Christmas parties, including one at Loch Aerie before she opened as a wedding and event venue. She was restored but the kitchen was just a shell and the ballroom addition was not built. Duffy’s did the catering with a kitchen in a big truck.
But mostly, even before COVID hit, it is us, at home. Those are our traditions. Not as formal, never as dressy. These days it’s more about how will I display my vintage Christmas ornaments and where on my tree will my wool felted Christmas mice will go. But the Christmas dishes and real glasses and silverware still come out.
I remember years ago, before I was married, and I was with someone else, we would go to their relatives for Christmas sometimes. The brother and sister-in-law took the time to do a beautiful meal with real plates and silverware and glasses, and then there was the other sister, and it was a lot of plastic cups and cooking things in disposable tinfoil pans. Obviously, you know which house I liked better.
A friend of my mine and I were talking about all of this yesterday. She texted me a photo, all bundled up underneath an umbrella in the rain waiting for Santa to come by on a fire truck where she lived. She says to me “this is me, no more Charity balls.” And then we both laughed, because I knew where she was coming from exactly. My friend’s parents also threw these amazing holiday parties and her mother’s house was one of my favorites. And like my own parents, everything was decorated and beautiful at Christmas.
And then there are other things that you remember about the season as a little kid. The Sears Wishbook. That catalog was huge and I remember a year after year turning down the corners of pages where there were dolls and toys I wanted. No kid ever got their entire wish list but thumbing through that catalog was kind of a Christmas tradition in and of itself.
So now we are all decorating our own homes. Sometimes my friends and I wonder how our mothers did it all. But as we all decorate, we all remember our ghosts of Christmas past. There aren’t nearly enough photos but we remember the feelings, the sound, the smells. Every year some of the images in our memory fade a little bit, yet many still remain. The echoes of people talking in rooms that no longer exist, with festive music playing in the background. Even some memories of Christmas sleigh and carriage rides. I still hear the jingles of sleigh bells, which is probably why I have some hanging in my house all year round.
Continue to create your Christmas memories. They are so important. And for goodness sake, no paper plates and plastic glasses. The season comes but once a year. Make it special.
In less than an hour, it will be Thanksgiving. 2022. What am I wondering this year? Something some may find odd: I am wondering if people are actually thankful on Thanksgiving anymore ?
Thankful. Grateful. Blessed. These words are exceedingly overused in our everyday vernacular. They are almost too casually tossed out here and there, like verbal popcorn. I question if people really are any of those things sometimes.
We live in a beautiful, yet often cruel and hateful world. Just look at social media. It is a modern way to keep us connected, yet it’s a bully pulpit for so many to be so hateful. I know my critics will scoff at that idea, since everything they project on me, they actually do.
Ironic, isn’t it? The pious perfectionists of social media are the ones who do the most damage. They have narrow comfort levels and in some cases, narrow knowledge bases, which of course leads to their narrow opinions, narrow world view.
These people have made a difficult couple of years for all of us, moredifficult. Which brings me to why I am thankful. I am thankful I am not those people. I am thankful those people are not my people in all of their judgmentalglory.
Life is not some perfectly staged silent tableaux. Life is messy and real and in technicolor. We need to give ourselves permission to live our lives out loud. Every day will not ever be perfect, nor should it be. It’s time for all of us to stop the apology tour for the skewed perspectives of others. Be thankful for who we are as human beings. Be thankful for those who see us.
That is not to say that we all couldn’t stand to be a little more kind at times. Sure we all could, but that doesn’t mean we are supposed to roll over and have doormat stamped on our foreheads.
I am thankful and grateful. For my life. For my friends and family.
Thanksgiving marks the start of a season where so many feel so alone. Even if they aren’t. In the season of giving, sometimes just a simple checking in can help some people.
2022 has been a crazy year I think. And very hard and full of loss for some, change for others, and maybe a bit of both for a lot of us. Sadness and gladness, bittersweet, hard, eventful, exhausting.
I think all of us can also say we are happy to have survived La Vida COVID. So many did not. And COVID has definitely taught us not to take a lot of the everyday for granted.
I will never pretend to have all of the answers in life, or even some answers because I always have questions.
Anyway, as it is after midnight, it is officially Thanksgiving.
